I really did plan to write something to the ladies today, but I need to address the men one more time. Men, those of you who are fathers, I am curios to know what is your definition of fatherhood? What does it mean to you to be a father to your child? Do you only look at the fun aspect, the going on outings, playing at home, watching movies, or do you think about fatherhood holistically?
Do you understand that being a parent isn’t just about throwing the baby up in the air and then handing him over to his mother? Do you understand that sometimes as a parent you have to sacrifice what you want in order to do what the baby/child needs? Do you understand that sometimes you have to make choices between your job or career and what’s best for child?
Being a parent means delivering and doing for another person even when there is no one there to cheer for you. Sometimes all you have is the silent, personal satisfaction of knowing that you did what you needed to do for your child. Sometimes all you have is the hug, kiss, smile, or adoration of a little person who loves you unconditionally, and at the end of the day that means so much more than any award you could ever receive.
Being a co-parent means working with your child’s mother by: being on time, providing enough notification when schedules change, showing up for your child’s functions, helping with homework, doing hair and just helping her to carry the load, whatever that means for your situation. Be an active parent in your child’s life, not just someone who’s there when it’s convenient or beneficial for you.
While I am directing this towards the men, I guess we women can take something from this as well. BEFORE you have a baby with someone, perhaps you should ask him what his idea of fatherhood really is. Trust me when I say, finding out after the fact can lead you disappointed and shouldering all of the responsibility by yourself.
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Your Daddy Ain't Ish
This one is for all of the men out there. Hear me NOW. If you are friends, acquaintances, sleeping with and/or dating a woman who has a child(ren), it is NOT your place to tell that child her father ain’t ish, even if he is. You have absolutely NO right to insert yourself into that child’s relationship with her father and disrespect him (and by extension that child) by telling her that. If you are so concerned about her and the choices she is making, partly as a result of her dysfunctional father, then make it your business to show her what a real man is about by treating her and her mother with respect, provide a listening ear when she needs it, and provide the guidance that every child needs. Telling that child that her father ain’t ish will NOT help her. She already knows what her father isn’t doing, hasn’t done, and probably will never do. She lives with that pain every day. That is her reality.
While she may act out and think she’s grown, doing things that grown people do, she is still a child unable to handle adult issues. She doesn’t need another man telling her what her daddy ain’t. She needs someone showing her what a MAN is. She needs someone telling her that she is valued so that one day when that boy or older man steps to her with false promises of love and pipe dreams, she will walk the other way because she knows she’s worthy of better.
If it bothers you so much, angers you so much that her father ain’t ish, then why don’t you talk to your male friends and call them on their stupidity when they walk out on their responsibilities. If it angers you so much, then why don’t you become a mentor to other boys and girls who may also be from single-mother homes. If it angers you so much, then why don’t you stop sleeping with her mother for kicks and marry her and become a real example.
If you aren’t willing to do any of those things, then sit down and SHUT UP.
Helpful Resources:
http://www.manifestyourdestiny.org/
http://www.forrealsolutions.com/
While she may act out and think she’s grown, doing things that grown people do, she is still a child unable to handle adult issues. She doesn’t need another man telling her what her daddy ain’t. She needs someone showing her what a MAN is. She needs someone telling her that she is valued so that one day when that boy or older man steps to her with false promises of love and pipe dreams, she will walk the other way because she knows she’s worthy of better.
If it bothers you so much, angers you so much that her father ain’t ish, then why don’t you talk to your male friends and call them on their stupidity when they walk out on their responsibilities. If it angers you so much, then why don’t you become a mentor to other boys and girls who may also be from single-mother homes. If it angers you so much, then why don’t you stop sleeping with her mother for kicks and marry her and become a real example.
If you aren’t willing to do any of those things, then sit down and SHUT UP.
Helpful Resources:
http://www.manifestyourdestiny.org/
http://www.forrealsolutions.com/
Saturday, February 14, 2009
The misAdventures of a Dating Single Mom
I agonized for about an hour over whether or not I would mail him the Valentine’s Day card. I wanted to redo what I had written. Would he think it was too much? Should I have put it in the back, so it was less busy? I thought it was light and in character with our relationship, but I didn’t know how he would take it? Did it look too juvenile? Maybe I should have picked a more sophisticated card. But that was exactly what I didn’t want, the mushy “you make me better/ complete me/ I love you” type of card. So why am I tripping over this card? Maybe because in the five years that we have known each other, I’ve never given him a card and he’s never given me one. We did just recently give each other gifts, another “new” aspect to this whole thing. Maybe I should just go back to the store and buy the same card and leave out the Nikki Giovanni poem? After thinking about it another few minutes, I flipped the card over and realized I had spent almost $5 on the card. What?!? Not the usual 99 cents. He would receive it as is. In the end, I was tripping for nothing. He sent me a message thanking me for the card in a way that only he could. The card was a fit after all. So why was I trippin’?
Monday, January 05, 2009
Sea Grapes = Georgia Bullets
I'm originally from Carol City (Dade County) Miami, FL. You know it by all of those names. Anywho, back in the day we had a lemon tree in our yard so if we wanted lemonaide, we just walked out to the back yard and picked the lemons. My aunt had a mango tree and a kumquat bush. If we wanted mango, we climbed the tree and picked them. I didn't really care for the taste of kumquats, too sour. And then there was the woman across the street from my aunt. She had a sea grape tree. I absolutely loved eating these tasty delights right off the tree. She would let us come over with our bowls and pick as many as we could handle. I've been able to find every kind of other fruit in the grocery store, except sea grapes. I must admit, I absolutely hate paying for fruit I once was able to get for free, but I'm no longer in the land of abundance.
I was with my family over the holiday and we started talking about sea grapes. Well, as it turns out the younger generation know them as Georgia Bullets. What a wierd name for such a fruit. Apparently, they are sold at corner stores and make shift stands in Miami as Georgia Bullets. Funny, I've never seen them in Georgia under either name. If anyone knows where I can find sea grapes, please let me know in the comments. I would forever be in your debt.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Blast From The Past
I absolutely love this song and it is so fitting for today. Unfortunately, I am at work and have no man, but we can all dream...
Thursday, November 27, 2008
Win Some, Lose Some, and Sometimes You Just Get Tired of Trying
Today is Thanksgiving and while I am truly thankful for my family and friends and the difference in my financial situation, I'm also sad. I'm sad because I'm starting to realize that perhaps me and my friends have a different definition of 'friendship'.
I have this crazy idea that friends should spend time together and not just email and text each other to death. I think friends should know who you are as a person, not create a persona of you, after being around each other for a over two years or ten years. But maybe I'm just asking too much of others or like with men, I'm choosing the wrong friends.
One friend in particular has me sad today. He said he loved me two days ago and then yesterday we were done. We both have agreed that friendship, or friendship with benefits, is about as far as we can go with each other for various reasons, but he is always scrutinizing the things that I say and do as if we are dating and he's lookng for the out. So yesterday I gave him that out. I was tired of it. I was tired of trying to live up to a standard that was constantly changing. Funny thing though, as I was thinking about trying not to think about the situation, another friend sends me a text wishing me a happy holiday and I let him know what was going on with me. He put it all into perspective right quick for me with a text that read, "Well, it's not like you ever thought he was the ONE." True, but it still hurts.
It hurts that after five years, I'm still not understood. After five years, I'm still being judged by past situations and insecurities. After five years, you don't see ME.
He likes to say that "I am not you and you are not me" and yet he wants me to act like him, or how he thinks I should act, but I can't. He wants me to look a certain way, but I don't. I am me and I am proud of me, flaws and all.
I'm sorry for him that, contrary to his claims, he can't just enjoy life without analyzing each situation. I'm sorry that he feels lonely although there are people all around him, yet he has boxed himself into a 'safe' corner. I mean after all if you aren't interested in others and don't take the time to get to really KNOW others, then you can only care about them to a point and that protects you. Right?
Well, I think I have done my best in this friendship and I have no regrets there. I guess the season has passed and the reason will be revealed through other life experiences IF I have captured the lesson.
I have this crazy idea that friends should spend time together and not just email and text each other to death. I think friends should know who you are as a person, not create a persona of you, after being around each other for a over two years or ten years. But maybe I'm just asking too much of others or like with men, I'm choosing the wrong friends.
One friend in particular has me sad today. He said he loved me two days ago and then yesterday we were done. We both have agreed that friendship, or friendship with benefits, is about as far as we can go with each other for various reasons, but he is always scrutinizing the things that I say and do as if we are dating and he's lookng for the out. So yesterday I gave him that out. I was tired of it. I was tired of trying to live up to a standard that was constantly changing. Funny thing though, as I was thinking about trying not to think about the situation, another friend sends me a text wishing me a happy holiday and I let him know what was going on with me. He put it all into perspective right quick for me with a text that read, "Well, it's not like you ever thought he was the ONE." True, but it still hurts.
It hurts that after five years, I'm still not understood. After five years, I'm still being judged by past situations and insecurities. After five years, you don't see ME.
He likes to say that "I am not you and you are not me" and yet he wants me to act like him, or how he thinks I should act, but I can't. He wants me to look a certain way, but I don't. I am me and I am proud of me, flaws and all.
I'm sorry for him that, contrary to his claims, he can't just enjoy life without analyzing each situation. I'm sorry that he feels lonely although there are people all around him, yet he has boxed himself into a 'safe' corner. I mean after all if you aren't interested in others and don't take the time to get to really KNOW others, then you can only care about them to a point and that protects you. Right?
Well, I think I have done my best in this friendship and I have no regrets there. I guess the season has passed and the reason will be revealed through other life experiences IF I have captured the lesson.
Saturday, October 18, 2008
Friday, September 05, 2008
Feeling Full - Superhero Feeling the Weight
I just read ABB's (look to your left under my comfort foods) post. I swear she says some ish that will make you think, and make you feel bad. Last night I went completely off on my son, who didn't deserve it, at least not all of it. Once again this year I am at a point where the money is so tight we better get used to sandwiches and I'm deciding which bills will and won't be paid, and how I'm going to afford the rest of their school supplies.
Child support my ass.
I just shelled out over $1000 between my 5 year old's private school and my 8 year old's after school care, and now my son is telling me that his coach said I need to buy other things for him to play in the actual football games.
EXCUSE ME
What the hell was the registration fee for? These people severely anger me. It's as if they themselves are not parents. I don't understand why they wait until the last minute to tell you these things instead of putting it out there upfront.
What's crazy for me is that I can relate all of this back to the politics of today. I've never been so acutely aware of how these things and who is in office affects my personal situation: No Child Left Behind BS, failing school systems and their bureaucracy, public vs private school, funding for after school activities, and parks and recreation centers, child support enforcement laws and the list goes on.
Child support my ass.
I just shelled out over $1000 between my 5 year old's private school and my 8 year old's after school care, and now my son is telling me that his coach said I need to buy other things for him to play in the actual football games.
EXCUSE ME
What the hell was the registration fee for? These people severely anger me. It's as if they themselves are not parents. I don't understand why they wait until the last minute to tell you these things instead of putting it out there upfront.
What's crazy for me is that I can relate all of this back to the politics of today. I've never been so acutely aware of how these things and who is in office affects my personal situation: No Child Left Behind BS, failing school systems and their bureaucracy, public vs private school, funding for after school activities, and parks and recreation centers, child support enforcement laws and the list goes on.
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Simply Ridiculous
My baby's birthday was last week. All week her father had been asking me what I was going to do because his family was coming into town and he wanted to invite them to the party. I already feel like I see him way too much for my own taste, so sharing a day with him was not in my plans. Not to mention, when my daughter had her second birthday, I threw her a pool party and he invited about 30 of the 40 people who were there to her party and only contributed popscicles and two salmon steaks that only he and his mother ate. Needless to say, I was not interested.
I went and consulted the visitation agreement. I am only obligated to give him 4 hours on her birthday.
So, I let him know that I would be taking cupcakes to her school and I would be having something small at the house so she can celebrate her b'day with her brother and sister and friends that don't attend that school. I also let him know that I would bring her to him Saturday evening so that he and his family could celebrate with her together.
He did not show up at her school to celebrate with her class.
He did pick her up from school the day of her birthday and brought her to me because he had "something to do before seven". As he was dropping her off he asked her if her mommie was going to take her out to eat. Uhm, am I not the one giving her not, one, but two parties already? AND they charge for the toys on the cakes now! But that's another story.
On Saturday, I threw her movie party at home since the weather was not conducive to a swim party at the park. She was fine with that and so were my pockets. When it was time for me to take her to her dad's house, she was not ready to go and her friends were not ready to leave, so I let them have another hour together. When I got to his house I was shocked to find only one car in the driveway, his. When he answered the door, I could smell the gangha. I knew we would not be there long.
His family was not in town, the local family was not coming, there was no party. The only thing he had to say was, "Well, did you call before you came?" He seemed to be entertaining company. Why would I call if I already told you when I would be bringing her and I was an hour late any way?!
Then he had the nerve to say to my daughter, "Well, you missed Amy's* party." Who the hell cares about some other child's party, no offense to that child, but what about the party you promised your daughter? The one that she went to school telling her teacher about? The one that you have been pumping her up for all week?
There was never any party plans. He had planned to invite his family to the party I was hosting and jump on the bandwagon like it was something WE were planning the same as he had done when she turned two. Not happening Bruh, not happening!
*Names have been changed to protect the innocent.
I went and consulted the visitation agreement. I am only obligated to give him 4 hours on her birthday.
So, I let him know that I would be taking cupcakes to her school and I would be having something small at the house so she can celebrate her b'day with her brother and sister and friends that don't attend that school. I also let him know that I would bring her to him Saturday evening so that he and his family could celebrate with her together.
He did not show up at her school to celebrate with her class.
He did pick her up from school the day of her birthday and brought her to me because he had "something to do before seven". As he was dropping her off he asked her if her mommie was going to take her out to eat. Uhm, am I not the one giving her not, one, but two parties already? AND they charge for the toys on the cakes now! But that's another story.
On Saturday, I threw her movie party at home since the weather was not conducive to a swim party at the park. She was fine with that and so were my pockets. When it was time for me to take her to her dad's house, she was not ready to go and her friends were not ready to leave, so I let them have another hour together. When I got to his house I was shocked to find only one car in the driveway, his. When he answered the door, I could smell the gangha. I knew we would not be there long.
His family was not in town, the local family was not coming, there was no party. The only thing he had to say was, "Well, did you call before you came?" He seemed to be entertaining company. Why would I call if I already told you when I would be bringing her and I was an hour late any way?!
Then he had the nerve to say to my daughter, "Well, you missed Amy's* party." Who the hell cares about some other child's party, no offense to that child, but what about the party you promised your daughter? The one that she went to school telling her teacher about? The one that you have been pumping her up for all week?
There was never any party plans. He had planned to invite his family to the party I was hosting and jump on the bandwagon like it was something WE were planning the same as he had done when she turned two. Not happening Bruh, not happening!
*Names have been changed to protect the innocent.
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Adventures of a Single Mom II
So school has begun and I am now juggling this new schedule of riding the shuttle to work, getting my daughters to school and getting my son to practice in the afternoon. My middle child’s persistent requests for riding the bus to school may be answered. I just hate putting her on the bus at 6:25am when school doesn’t start until 8am, but with her riding the bus, I can get my other daughter to school between 7:00am-7:30am and get the 8:20am shuttle so that I can be at work by 9:00am. So in essence I will be up for 4 hours before my work day even starts. Then in the afternoon I will get the 5:20pm shuttle so that I can get my daughter by 6:30pm and pick up my son and take him to football practice. I was able to convince BD2 to pick his child up in the afternoon since he claims it wouldn’t work for me to drop her off with him in the morning so I can take an earlier shuttle in the morning and afternoon so I can pick everyone up on time and deliver my son to practice on time. Yes, I finally gave in to my son’s request to play football. Unfortunately, the coaching staff wants the parents to stay at practice the entire time so we do not get home until late then we eat late and go to bed late just to wake up early and do it all over again. I guess that’s just the life of a super mom.
Wednesday, August 06, 2008
Frank Ski Does It Again
Ok, I know this is a different direction from what I usually blog about, but my brother actually gave me this idea when he was here this weekend. I was complaining about the mis-information that Frank Ski and Wanda Smith are usually passing out on V-103 in Atlanta and how hard it is for me to get in on the call line to speak with them to give a 'balanced' view of whatever the particular topic is (I'm convinced they have a block on callers with sense). My brother suggested that I keep a blog about it and then they won't be able to ignore me, assuming I have good readership. Let's see if he's right.
This morning I spent 50minutes of my 600/month cell phone minutes on hold waiting to ask Frank about his latest contradictory statements. I sat and listened as he and Wanda gave a single mom advice on dating, as they chatted back and forth amongst themselves about the topic, played music, commercials and lamented over Monica's show last night. Never once did anyone come back to the phone or check in with me so here I am blogging about what I wanted to say on air had I been given the opportunity.
A few weeks ago Frank and Wanda did their own show on CNN's Black In America special. Of course, the conversation eroded down to the lowest common denominator, sex and dating in Atlanta because of course that's all we care about as Black people. In that conversation among all of the other crazy statements that came out of his mouth, Frank said, and I am paraphrasing, that women in Atlanta kill him with their 'I have my own career, money, car, house, etc.' and thinking they are successful. To him, women are not successful if they do not have a husband and some kids.
Fast forward to this morning when they were talking about celebrities, mainly Puffy, and they threw in some local artists for good measure, who are successful, but not married. In this conversation, I actually found myself agreeing with Wanda when she said a successful man is helped by a strong woman supporting him, like in the case of Senator Obama and his wife. Frank countered this by stating we don't know that their relationship is real and these men are successful without women and furthermore they aren't even thinking about that because they are so focused on their "empires". He gave examples of Russell Simmons and Bill Gates who have given up control of their widely successful companies and so now they can focus more on family. If I'm not mistaken, Bill Gates was married while he was running Microsoft and Russell was married when he had Def Jam. So that just kind of proved Wanda's point.
Frank’s wife seems like a very smart and strong woman herself. I wonder if she just wants to smack him upside the head for some of the things he says on air, or does she just not even bother to listen to his foolishness?
What are your thoughts about 1) How success is defined; and 2) Do you really have to have a significant other to complete the picture?
This morning I spent 50minutes of my 600/month cell phone minutes on hold waiting to ask Frank about his latest contradictory statements. I sat and listened as he and Wanda gave a single mom advice on dating, as they chatted back and forth amongst themselves about the topic, played music, commercials and lamented over Monica's show last night. Never once did anyone come back to the phone or check in with me so here I am blogging about what I wanted to say on air had I been given the opportunity.
A few weeks ago Frank and Wanda did their own show on CNN's Black In America special. Of course, the conversation eroded down to the lowest common denominator, sex and dating in Atlanta because of course that's all we care about as Black people. In that conversation among all of the other crazy statements that came out of his mouth, Frank said, and I am paraphrasing, that women in Atlanta kill him with their 'I have my own career, money, car, house, etc.' and thinking they are successful. To him, women are not successful if they do not have a husband and some kids.
Fast forward to this morning when they were talking about celebrities, mainly Puffy, and they threw in some local artists for good measure, who are successful, but not married. In this conversation, I actually found myself agreeing with Wanda when she said a successful man is helped by a strong woman supporting him, like in the case of Senator Obama and his wife. Frank countered this by stating we don't know that their relationship is real and these men are successful without women and furthermore they aren't even thinking about that because they are so focused on their "empires". He gave examples of Russell Simmons and Bill Gates who have given up control of their widely successful companies and so now they can focus more on family. If I'm not mistaken, Bill Gates was married while he was running Microsoft and Russell was married when he had Def Jam. So that just kind of proved Wanda's point.
Frank’s wife seems like a very smart and strong woman herself. I wonder if she just wants to smack him upside the head for some of the things he says on air, or does she just not even bother to listen to his foolishness?
What are your thoughts about 1) How success is defined; and 2) Do you really have to have a significant other to complete the picture?
Wednesday, July 09, 2008
The Adventures of a Single Mom
I know I said I would write more of the juicy stuff that everyone likes to read, but I'm saving it for the book. Yes, I've actually started on that book that everyone has been suggesting I write for the last several years. Sister girl needs another stream of income. It's coming slowly but surely, the way I like it (sometimes). I'm sorry I digress.
Anywho, I don't know if it's age or what, but I'm really feeling like I need to hurry up on my life plans. I've had a couple of setbacks this summer, but I'm still good. I just have to rethink how I'm going to make things happen for me and my family.
First, my youngest daughter's school registration happened to be "overlooked" so I've been fighting with the DeKalb County School System, GA (yes, I'm shouting them out) since March. They've been giving me the run-around at the theme school office telling me to wait, wait, and wait some more. Finally, I get a call this Monday from one of the higher ups and he tells me there aren't any spaces left and unless someone withdraws their child, my child won't have a seat. Nevermind the fact that she should have sibling priority, or that I went to work late when I registered her for the school or that I already have a child at that school. I guess my ass/breasts weren't big enough to get noticed by the Vice-Principal so that I could put her in on the sly without alll the formalities of going through the process.
That very same day that I was given an absolute 'no' on my daughter attending that school, I was also told by the dentist that my son absolutely has to get braces or he will lose some of his teeth due to crowding. I had put off getting his braces because I had the little one in private school and now since the public school screwed up her registration, I am in a position where I have to chose between sending my child to a decent school ($10,000) and saving my other child's teeth ($4,000). I hate to find out how much I will have to spend for his glasses at the end of the month.
I had so many plans for the money I was going to save by not having to send her back to private school. One of those plans included me going back to school for my PhD, but now that will have to wait indefinitely. I discovered that the program I wanted to attend wasn't really accredited. They have the backing of some great associations, but none of them are recognized by the US Department of Education. So, on to plan B. That will require 4-6 years and a whole lot of money, but I will at least be considered a physician. That too shall wait.
So in the meantime, along with rearing children, sending them to public school just to then also home school, work, side business and writing a book, I am also working on my doula certification. No wonder I don't date.
Anywho, I don't know if it's age or what, but I'm really feeling like I need to hurry up on my life plans. I've had a couple of setbacks this summer, but I'm still good. I just have to rethink how I'm going to make things happen for me and my family.
First, my youngest daughter's school registration happened to be "overlooked" so I've been fighting with the DeKalb County School System, GA (yes, I'm shouting them out) since March. They've been giving me the run-around at the theme school office telling me to wait, wait, and wait some more. Finally, I get a call this Monday from one of the higher ups and he tells me there aren't any spaces left and unless someone withdraws their child, my child won't have a seat. Nevermind the fact that she should have sibling priority, or that I went to work late when I registered her for the school or that I already have a child at that school. I guess my ass/breasts weren't big enough to get noticed by the Vice-Principal so that I could put her in on the sly without alll the formalities of going through the process.
That very same day that I was given an absolute 'no' on my daughter attending that school, I was also told by the dentist that my son absolutely has to get braces or he will lose some of his teeth due to crowding. I had put off getting his braces because I had the little one in private school and now since the public school screwed up her registration, I am in a position where I have to chose between sending my child to a decent school ($10,000) and saving my other child's teeth ($4,000). I hate to find out how much I will have to spend for his glasses at the end of the month.
I had so many plans for the money I was going to save by not having to send her back to private school. One of those plans included me going back to school for my PhD, but now that will have to wait indefinitely. I discovered that the program I wanted to attend wasn't really accredited. They have the backing of some great associations, but none of them are recognized by the US Department of Education. So, on to plan B. That will require 4-6 years and a whole lot of money, but I will at least be considered a physician. That too shall wait.
So in the meantime, along with rearing children, sending them to public school just to then also home school, work, side business and writing a book, I am also working on my doula certification. No wonder I don't date.
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Spray On Condom
Why didn't anybody tell me that a German inventor has created a spray-on condom?!? It looks easy enough to use, sort of like a spray on tan. My only question is this, because it is a skin tight fit what happens to the semen when the man busts? I mean it really doesn't look like there is anywhere for it to go. Will the condom break? Does it leak? I need some answers on that. And will there be any irritation for his partner?
I guess the researchers will find out through their testing process. Oh yeah men, they are looking for testers...if you are the right size. http://www.spraykondom.de/spraycondom/index.php
I hope it works, I can see having a lot of fun with this product.
I guess the researchers will find out through their testing process. Oh yeah men, they are looking for testers...if you are the right size. http://www.spraykondom.de/spraycondom/index.php
I hope it works, I can see having a lot of fun with this product.
Friday, May 09, 2008
Always Evolving
SO, I don't know if anyone is reading my posts these days, but I will continue to blog. Since starting this page I wasn't sure what it would be about and thus far the subject is constantly changing, but I think I'm going to try something different. I've had several people tell me I need to write a book. After hearing it a thousand times, I thought sure why not.
It ain't as easy as it looks people! I am having the hardest time staying focused, coming up with a story line, etc. I am a bit undisciplined so that is definitely working against me right about now.
So the thought occured to me that I always have people calling me up asking me questions about sexual health, why not make my blog about that?? Hmm, there is a thought! So, I'm going to try it and hopefully I will stand out amongst all of the sex topics online and give men and women some really good information. I can already tell you it's not going to happen over night, but give me about a week or two and I will have something up.
I will say that the first few blogs will probably come from books that I have next to the bed and some from experience, but that's what being a good researcher is all about.
Have a great weekend everyone, anyone, someone.
It ain't as easy as it looks people! I am having the hardest time staying focused, coming up with a story line, etc. I am a bit undisciplined so that is definitely working against me right about now.
So the thought occured to me that I always have people calling me up asking me questions about sexual health, why not make my blog about that?? Hmm, there is a thought! So, I'm going to try it and hopefully I will stand out amongst all of the sex topics online and give men and women some really good information. I can already tell you it's not going to happen over night, but give me about a week or two and I will have something up.
I will say that the first few blogs will probably come from books that I have next to the bed and some from experience, but that's what being a good researcher is all about.
Have a great weekend everyone, anyone, someone.
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
I'm Back Ya'll
I’ve been toying with the idea of starting this blog up again, clearly starting it won out. I don’t have my good friend to talk to about such things, so I will have to reach out to the blogger community for their comments.
Dating sucks! I know it’s a means to an end, but the game and finding the right connections are such a chore. The men in my life right now have me so ‘noid (annoyed not paranoid).
Situation #1:
I met this dude about two years ago, really in passing, but we seem to keep bumping into each other so I he’s interested, he seems nice, I give him the number. The conversation is BORING as hell. I really know very little about him because he spends the majority of the time telling me about the famous people he works with. Am I suppose to like him for him or for the people he knows? And then ya’ll wonder why women in Atlanta are so star struck…
Situation #2:
Let me begin by saying I LOVE gay black men. One of my ex’s is now gay, but let him know I said that, he prefers bi, but if you have only had dick for the last 5 years, you are gay. But this isn’t about him. I met this new guy online. Once again, he seemed nice, a little churchy, but maybe I need a little of that. Online, the conversation was cool so I give him the number so we can connect. Offline his conversation sucks! I feel like I’m struggling for things to talk about when I’m on the phone with him, but I’m trying to go outside of my normal. I overlooked the fact that he directs choir and sings at/plans weddings, but the signs started appearing and my gaydar went way high! Sign number 1: At least once or twice a week he has to tell me he’s not gay. What straight man does that? Sign number 2: I have heard him scream like a little girl for whatever reason on two occasions at least, and he has had the twang (not trying to stereotype, but ya’ll know). Sign number 3: He went to get his locs twisted by his “brother”. His brother is a truck driver and he previously told me they don’t even really get along. I don’t know ya’ll, but I don’t know of men, let alone truck drivers that are going to twist another man’s hair. I just want him to stop being dishonest with himself.
Situation #3:
I met this guy almost a year ago. Right off the bat I was attracted to him, but strangely I was annoyed by him as well. It may have been the fact that he wouldn’t leave my side from the time he walked up to me. I gave him my number under an assumed name and assumed I never hear from him again. WRONG. He kept calling and I kept sending it to voicemail, but he was persistent so I finally gave him and saw him about 6 months later. He was still annoying, but sexy as ever so I let him hit. I must say I thoroughly enjoyed myself, so when the opportunity arose again about 3 months later; we hooked up again despite the fact that in the interim I discovered he was married. Hey, a woman has needs. This time it wasn’t as good. He wasn’t listening when I said I had had enough of one activity or wanted to try a different position. It was like he had to be in control of how everything went. That happens to be how our conversations go as well. Later, he complained that I was selfish because I wouldn’t give oral or stroke his dick or touch him the way he wanted to be touched. I was cool, at first. I first pointed out that I already put it out there up front that oral was out of the question. At the same time, I was trying to understand exactly what it was he wanted me to do that I didn’t do. When he finished his two hour rant I explained to him that what he wanted I reserve for real relationships, not fuck sessions. We agreed to disagree. The subject came up again yesterday and this time I was pissed because it was his same argument about what HE wanted and what HE didn’t get and what HE was use to. Then he let the words fall, “I care about you and when two people care about each other they should care about what the other wants.” Well, there’s the disconnect, I don’t care about him, I just liked the sex. I guess I better walk away before this gets really ugly. Damn, I can’t do celibacy again so I guess I will have to pull out the big guns this time around.
Dating sucks! I know it’s a means to an end, but the game and finding the right connections are such a chore. The men in my life right now have me so ‘noid (annoyed not paranoid).
Situation #1:
I met this dude about two years ago, really in passing, but we seem to keep bumping into each other so I he’s interested, he seems nice, I give him the number. The conversation is BORING as hell. I really know very little about him because he spends the majority of the time telling me about the famous people he works with. Am I suppose to like him for him or for the people he knows? And then ya’ll wonder why women in Atlanta are so star struck…
Situation #2:
Let me begin by saying I LOVE gay black men. One of my ex’s is now gay, but let him know I said that, he prefers bi, but if you have only had dick for the last 5 years, you are gay. But this isn’t about him. I met this new guy online. Once again, he seemed nice, a little churchy, but maybe I need a little of that. Online, the conversation was cool so I give him the number so we can connect. Offline his conversation sucks! I feel like I’m struggling for things to talk about when I’m on the phone with him, but I’m trying to go outside of my normal. I overlooked the fact that he directs choir and sings at/plans weddings, but the signs started appearing and my gaydar went way high! Sign number 1: At least once or twice a week he has to tell me he’s not gay. What straight man does that? Sign number 2: I have heard him scream like a little girl for whatever reason on two occasions at least, and he has had the twang (not trying to stereotype, but ya’ll know). Sign number 3: He went to get his locs twisted by his “brother”. His brother is a truck driver and he previously told me they don’t even really get along. I don’t know ya’ll, but I don’t know of men, let alone truck drivers that are going to twist another man’s hair. I just want him to stop being dishonest with himself.
Situation #3:
I met this guy almost a year ago. Right off the bat I was attracted to him, but strangely I was annoyed by him as well. It may have been the fact that he wouldn’t leave my side from the time he walked up to me. I gave him my number under an assumed name and assumed I never hear from him again. WRONG. He kept calling and I kept sending it to voicemail, but he was persistent so I finally gave him and saw him about 6 months later. He was still annoying, but sexy as ever so I let him hit. I must say I thoroughly enjoyed myself, so when the opportunity arose again about 3 months later; we hooked up again despite the fact that in the interim I discovered he was married. Hey, a woman has needs. This time it wasn’t as good. He wasn’t listening when I said I had had enough of one activity or wanted to try a different position. It was like he had to be in control of how everything went. That happens to be how our conversations go as well. Later, he complained that I was selfish because I wouldn’t give oral or stroke his dick or touch him the way he wanted to be touched. I was cool, at first. I first pointed out that I already put it out there up front that oral was out of the question. At the same time, I was trying to understand exactly what it was he wanted me to do that I didn’t do. When he finished his two hour rant I explained to him that what he wanted I reserve for real relationships, not fuck sessions. We agreed to disagree. The subject came up again yesterday and this time I was pissed because it was his same argument about what HE wanted and what HE didn’t get and what HE was use to. Then he let the words fall, “I care about you and when two people care about each other they should care about what the other wants.” Well, there’s the disconnect, I don’t care about him, I just liked the sex. I guess I better walk away before this gets really ugly. Damn, I can’t do celibacy again so I guess I will have to pull out the big guns this time around.
Monday, February 27, 2006
Hero Complex
Greetings Ladies and Gentlemen. I know it has been a while since I’ve had something to blog about and the time to do so. I hope all is well with everyone. Sit back, read, and by all means, let me know what’s on your mind…
I am thoroughly convinced that some men, not all, have a Hero Complex. What is a Hero Complex? This is where the man feels he has to rescue the damsel in distress in order to feel better about himself. He may give her money, run errands for her or even invite her on trips to get away from her “issues”. Never you mind, what they have been telling us, ladies, about not wanting a clingy woman or a gold digger. Some men are naturally attracted to women who are needy. They don’t want a woman who is working hard to provide for herself and who is taking care of her business. They can’t help you. They can’t “uplift” you. Or so they think. But we know differently don’t we ladies. Just like a strong man needs a strong woman at his side like Coretta was for Martin and Camille is for Bill, we, as strong Black women, need a strong man by our side even if it’s just to cook us a meal, take the baby for a while, massage our feet or caress our face and let us know that we are loved and he has our back. It’s quite the sad commentary when the only male that has your best interest and well being at heart is your brother, not your lover, not your baby daddy, not your husband, but your brother. And they wonder why we go off. Built up STRESSS. And I ain’t talking about sex. Dyck comes just as easily as pu$$y, and some of ya’ll ain’t working it right in the first place so that just adds to the frustration…but I digress.
After you’ve been out fighting for everything you have, you just want to come home and feel appreciated and feel loved and know that in your inner circle you don’t have to fight because all that you have will be protected, all that you need will be provided and that place in your chest that feels hollow or maybe like someone is stepping on you, you won’t feel that any more because he is there. Your Hero has come to comfort you.
"Thunder only happens when it's raining.
Players only love you while they're playing.
Women, they will come and they will go.
When the rain washes you clean you will know."
Dreams ~ Stevie Nicks
I am thoroughly convinced that some men, not all, have a Hero Complex. What is a Hero Complex? This is where the man feels he has to rescue the damsel in distress in order to feel better about himself. He may give her money, run errands for her or even invite her on trips to get away from her “issues”. Never you mind, what they have been telling us, ladies, about not wanting a clingy woman or a gold digger. Some men are naturally attracted to women who are needy. They don’t want a woman who is working hard to provide for herself and who is taking care of her business. They can’t help you. They can’t “uplift” you. Or so they think. But we know differently don’t we ladies. Just like a strong man needs a strong woman at his side like Coretta was for Martin and Camille is for Bill, we, as strong Black women, need a strong man by our side even if it’s just to cook us a meal, take the baby for a while, massage our feet or caress our face and let us know that we are loved and he has our back. It’s quite the sad commentary when the only male that has your best interest and well being at heart is your brother, not your lover, not your baby daddy, not your husband, but your brother. And they wonder why we go off. Built up STRESSS. And I ain’t talking about sex. Dyck comes just as easily as pu$$y, and some of ya’ll ain’t working it right in the first place so that just adds to the frustration…but I digress.
After you’ve been out fighting for everything you have, you just want to come home and feel appreciated and feel loved and know that in your inner circle you don’t have to fight because all that you have will be protected, all that you need will be provided and that place in your chest that feels hollow or maybe like someone is stepping on you, you won’t feel that any more because he is there. Your Hero has come to comfort you.
"Thunder only happens when it's raining.
Players only love you while they're playing.
Women, they will come and they will go.
When the rain washes you clean you will know."
Dreams ~ Stevie Nicks
Wednesday, December 21, 2005
Reading Really Is Fundamental
As someone who loves books and learning, I believe there are some books that as a Black person, as an African American, I just have to read and keep in my collection for my children to read. I’m not talking about the drama-filled books that you find at Wal Mart by the check out stand or in the book club rotations. No, I’m talking about the books that bring our history to life and make us think and connect the dots so that perhaps once we gain a better understanding of how we got HERE, we can make some personal as well as social changes to help us get THERE.
Currently, I’m reading The Souls of Black Folk. In reading The Souls, I had a light bulb moment when reading over the successes and failures of the Freedman’s Bureau and the Freedman’s bank and the affects their eventual collapse had on the psyche of black people during that time. It occurred to me that we are still feeling the residual effects today.
I’m older and a little bit smarter than I was say 7-8 years ago, so I’m paying more attention to my finances and the legacy, inheritance I will leave with my children. In The Souls, it talks about how many of the ex-slaves began saving their money with the Freedman’s bank only to have the bank collapse and along with losing their money, losing their faith in man, government and banking institutions. And so it clicked to me that this issue that we have as a people today with saving and credit, etc. is borne out of a fear and faithlessness that was created over a century ago. And in order to combat this issues and provide for our children a different existence, a different way of dealing with money we have to 1) stop blaming our parents and our parents’ parents because they were doing the best with what they knew, and 2)gain some understanding for how their “way” became to be and know that they thought they were ‘protecting’ us and, 3)armed with that knowledge we must now seek to teach ourselves and our children about the financial systems at work so that we can end this cycle of forever struggling.
The best way for us to protect our children today is to arm them with the knowledge they need to grow wealth and control their own destiny.
For those of us who did not take African or African-American Studies courses in college, and have only heard about these types of books, but haven’t read them, it would behoove us to take up “arms” and read. For those of us who did take those classes and haven’t touched the books since taking those classes, it makes sense to re-read them now that we are older and a little bit more mature and hopefully wiser so as to get a better overstanding of the information that is being brought forth. Then, perhaps collectively and singly, we can take a serious look at the problems that prevail in our communities and take on the tasks of eradicating them for good so that we all can grow and prosper.
Currently, I’m reading The Souls of Black Folk. In reading The Souls, I had a light bulb moment when reading over the successes and failures of the Freedman’s Bureau and the Freedman’s bank and the affects their eventual collapse had on the psyche of black people during that time. It occurred to me that we are still feeling the residual effects today.
I’m older and a little bit smarter than I was say 7-8 years ago, so I’m paying more attention to my finances and the legacy, inheritance I will leave with my children. In The Souls, it talks about how many of the ex-slaves began saving their money with the Freedman’s bank only to have the bank collapse and along with losing their money, losing their faith in man, government and banking institutions. And so it clicked to me that this issue that we have as a people today with saving and credit, etc. is borne out of a fear and faithlessness that was created over a century ago. And in order to combat this issues and provide for our children a different existence, a different way of dealing with money we have to 1) stop blaming our parents and our parents’ parents because they were doing the best with what they knew, and 2)gain some understanding for how their “way” became to be and know that they thought they were ‘protecting’ us and, 3)armed with that knowledge we must now seek to teach ourselves and our children about the financial systems at work so that we can end this cycle of forever struggling.
The best way for us to protect our children today is to arm them with the knowledge they need to grow wealth and control their own destiny.
For those of us who did not take African or African-American Studies courses in college, and have only heard about these types of books, but haven’t read them, it would behoove us to take up “arms” and read. For those of us who did take those classes and haven’t touched the books since taking those classes, it makes sense to re-read them now that we are older and a little bit more mature and hopefully wiser so as to get a better overstanding of the information that is being brought forth. Then, perhaps collectively and singly, we can take a serious look at the problems that prevail in our communities and take on the tasks of eradicating them for good so that we all can grow and prosper.
Holiday Greetings
Reposted from a listserve...
Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, nonaddictive, gender neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasions or secular practices of your choice with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all.
I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling, and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2006, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great (not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country or is the only "America" in the western hemisphere) and without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith, or sexual preference of the wishee.
By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms: This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her/himself or others and is void where prohibited by law, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher.
Disclaimer: no trees were harmed in the sending of this message however, a significant number of electrons were slightly inconvenienced.
Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, nonaddictive, gender neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasions or secular practices of your choice with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all.
I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling, and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2006, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great (not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country or is the only "America" in the western hemisphere) and without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith, or sexual preference of the wishee.
By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms: This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her/himself or others and is void where prohibited by law, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher.
Disclaimer: no trees were harmed in the sending of this message however, a significant number of electrons were slightly inconvenienced.
Thursday, December 01, 2005
Situations
1. Exactly how long should you wait to receive a "Thank You" when you deliver a birthday gift to someone before calling them to say, "I just wanted to know if you were enjoying your gift".
2. I have a friend, who for all appearances, is quite successful. I've been knowing this person for almost three years now and I have yet to hear them say that life is good. It's always my life is shit. I'm just trying to figure out what is it that they are searching for that keeps them feeling this way. Well, I guess that's not for me to figure out but for them to figure out. I only hope that I don't become the person that is never satisfied. Right now, I go through these 3-4 year spurts where everything is good and then I get restless and I go back to school or have a child, right now I'm thinking of going back to school or entering a training certification program. Am I looking at my future when I look at my friend??
3. My sister, I love her dearly, but I want her to get out of this f'ed up situation that she is choosing to stay in for "fear of failure". She has been separated for the 2/3 of her marriage. Her "husband" lives with another woman and she dates other men. She wanted to refinance her house, but where she lives your husband has to also sign regardless of the fact that he has NEVER lived in the house. Well, fool decided to use that as a bargaining tool and unless my sister dropped the child support case, he was not going to sign the papers. So what happened, she lost the refinancing and the money she paid to have the house appraised. And she still doesn't have any child support money. Damn.
4. BD2 is calling me with all kinds of attitude because the income withholding order did not specify "how" the money should be deducted from his check. So now he wants me to call over the world to find out how it will be done. I just don't understand why it is men look to us to carry the load all of the damn time. This is a pattern with him that is really annoying particularly because he's someone who is always trying to tell everybody else how to handle their business.
Men are such interesting creatures. They present one way and then flip it on you later. They want to pound their chest and show off their "manhood", but then they are looking to the woman to handle everything. They plant their seed and have children that they like to parade around in front of their families as if to say "look what I did", but then behind closed doors they don't really want to take care of them. I just don't understand it!
2. I have a friend, who for all appearances, is quite successful. I've been knowing this person for almost three years now and I have yet to hear them say that life is good. It's always my life is shit. I'm just trying to figure out what is it that they are searching for that keeps them feeling this way. Well, I guess that's not for me to figure out but for them to figure out. I only hope that I don't become the person that is never satisfied. Right now, I go through these 3-4 year spurts where everything is good and then I get restless and I go back to school or have a child, right now I'm thinking of going back to school or entering a training certification program. Am I looking at my future when I look at my friend??
3. My sister, I love her dearly, but I want her to get out of this f'ed up situation that she is choosing to stay in for "fear of failure". She has been separated for the 2/3 of her marriage. Her "husband" lives with another woman and she dates other men. She wanted to refinance her house, but where she lives your husband has to also sign regardless of the fact that he has NEVER lived in the house. Well, fool decided to use that as a bargaining tool and unless my sister dropped the child support case, he was not going to sign the papers. So what happened, she lost the refinancing and the money she paid to have the house appraised. And she still doesn't have any child support money. Damn.
4. BD2 is calling me with all kinds of attitude because the income withholding order did not specify "how" the money should be deducted from his check. So now he wants me to call over the world to find out how it will be done. I just don't understand why it is men look to us to carry the load all of the damn time. This is a pattern with him that is really annoying particularly because he's someone who is always trying to tell everybody else how to handle their business.
Men are such interesting creatures. They present one way and then flip it on you later. They want to pound their chest and show off their "manhood", but then they are looking to the woman to handle everything. They plant their seed and have children that they like to parade around in front of their families as if to say "look what I did", but then behind closed doors they don't really want to take care of them. I just don't understand it!
Tuesday, November 22, 2005
A Moment to Vent
I've heard sometime in my past that the people you date are a reflection of the different you's and the things in them that piss you off are the things that you need to work on in your own life.
My friends often tell me that sometimes my sarcasm and my shortness over the phone is a bit irritating. A couple of them even complain that I can be really mean, something I don't deny, but that's a risk you take when you call me (especially if you call on Saturday before 12p). You never know what kind of mood I may be in that day at that moment. SO perhaps BD2 is reflecting that back to me.
I know he's been angry since our court date turned so wonderfully in our daughter's favor (mine by extension). Needless to say our conversations don't happen as regularly, but when they do they very rarely end on a good note. I've been trying to keep a flat affect when I speak to him because I'm quite sure he's trying to get a reaction out of me, but the past couple of weeks have truly been a test on my ability to remain calm. I don't know if it's the age difference, the lack of sex, the mounting stress from the bills or what but I swear if he continues to talk to me like I am his child, there will be an unleashing he has yet to see. How you gonna raise your voice at me because your phone is messing up and I have to ask you the same question three times to hear your reply. Then you have the nerve to blow up my phones the next day because I'm refusing to answer your calls. And now you want to lecture me on calling you as opposed to texting you when it comes to matters that involve our daughter particularly since you have such a crap phone. It has never occurred to him that perhaps I'm avoiding having a direct conversation with him because he's an ass?
I have to admit I am very proud of the self control I have been demonstrating. He's called to make other arrangements almost every night that he's suppose to have our daughter the last couple of weeks and I have willingly obliged. He can't pick her up from school, fine, I will get her and let him pick her up from my house, whatever it takes for them to have time together (and me to have some breathing room). I ask for the same and I get the run around. Thank goodness I have good people in my life who love my kids and love me and want to see me have a life too.
Men wonder why baby mommas show out on them... Of course, I can't speak for all, but when you are everything to everybody AND you go out of your way to make things easier for him, it's real easy to snap when you don't receive the same consideration in return. In a lot of instances, it takes us snapping before you act like you have an ounce of humanity in you.
I guess the best I can do is to overlook his attitude and next time he wants to change visitation plans, I will let him work that out without my help the same way I have to do any time I have a show to do or I have to go out of town for business, etc. Maybe once we start letting baby daddies walk a mile in our shoes and deal with the frustration of finding a sitter or canceling plans or risk getting fired then they will be a little bit more understanding of our situations, and perhaps the conversations will get a little easier and generousity will be extended from all sides.
My friends often tell me that sometimes my sarcasm and my shortness over the phone is a bit irritating. A couple of them even complain that I can be really mean, something I don't deny, but that's a risk you take when you call me (especially if you call on Saturday before 12p). You never know what kind of mood I may be in that day at that moment. SO perhaps BD2 is reflecting that back to me.
I know he's been angry since our court date turned so wonderfully in our daughter's favor (mine by extension). Needless to say our conversations don't happen as regularly, but when they do they very rarely end on a good note. I've been trying to keep a flat affect when I speak to him because I'm quite sure he's trying to get a reaction out of me, but the past couple of weeks have truly been a test on my ability to remain calm. I don't know if it's the age difference, the lack of sex, the mounting stress from the bills or what but I swear if he continues to talk to me like I am his child, there will be an unleashing he has yet to see. How you gonna raise your voice at me because your phone is messing up and I have to ask you the same question three times to hear your reply. Then you have the nerve to blow up my phones the next day because I'm refusing to answer your calls. And now you want to lecture me on calling you as opposed to texting you when it comes to matters that involve our daughter particularly since you have such a crap phone. It has never occurred to him that perhaps I'm avoiding having a direct conversation with him because he's an ass?
I have to admit I am very proud of the self control I have been demonstrating. He's called to make other arrangements almost every night that he's suppose to have our daughter the last couple of weeks and I have willingly obliged. He can't pick her up from school, fine, I will get her and let him pick her up from my house, whatever it takes for them to have time together (and me to have some breathing room). I ask for the same and I get the run around. Thank goodness I have good people in my life who love my kids and love me and want to see me have a life too.
Men wonder why baby mommas show out on them... Of course, I can't speak for all, but when you are everything to everybody AND you go out of your way to make things easier for him, it's real easy to snap when you don't receive the same consideration in return. In a lot of instances, it takes us snapping before you act like you have an ounce of humanity in you.
I guess the best I can do is to overlook his attitude and next time he wants to change visitation plans, I will let him work that out without my help the same way I have to do any time I have a show to do or I have to go out of town for business, etc. Maybe once we start letting baby daddies walk a mile in our shoes and deal with the frustration of finding a sitter or canceling plans or risk getting fired then they will be a little bit more understanding of our situations, and perhaps the conversations will get a little easier and generousity will be extended from all sides.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)