I really hadn’t planned on posting this today. Did you miss me?
After receiving several emails from the child support office, I thought maybe someone had hit the lottery and all was about to be made right. Instead, I logged in today to see that my younger daughter’s father had paid half of his monthly payment. So apparently the emails were a glitch in the system. I clicked over to the screen that shows the amount owed in arrears and he owes a little over $10,000. He seems to only pay when his license is threatened. He’s a gainfully employed corporate IT guy, who buys $300 shoes for our daughter, but asks for an itemized bill before he will pay his half of the out of pocket orthodontic expenses. I guess the braces on her teeth aren’t enough proof. He’s tried the “I need an itemized list of all that she (meaning me) buys/pay for” in court, and the judge set him straight then. Old habits die hard.
I left that screen and clicked over to the other order and saw that Mr. Drake owes $157,702.20 in child support for our two children. Let that roll over in your mind for a while.
$157,702.20 could pay for braces for everyone.
$157,702.20 could have allowed for our son and daughter to participate in all the extra-curricular activities they wanted. It could have also allowed for a tutor when they both had their struggles in math or before they took the ACT or PSAT/SAT.
$157,702.20 could have paid for private school if I so chose to go that route.
$157,702.20 could pay our son’s college tuition. Instead, he’s going to be saddled with student loans, for which I am the co-signer.
Unfortunately, the wonderful lawyer I had retired and most other attorneys want a crazy retainer before they will even look at your case, so I am at the mercy of the state child support office. One would think they are working for the non-custodial parents, related even, or that I was asking the case worker to come out her pocket. Each time I inquired about my case, I received a threat to cancel my case in return. When I first moved to Georgia, I spent a year and half traveling (3 hours one way) back and forth every 3 months to attend a child support hearing that never happened because they failed to serve Mr. Drake. The one time I missed court because I was tired of the foolishness, I was told my case would be closed. So I moved the case to GA and filed with the DA’s office in my county so they could handle the inter-state communication. He moved to North Carolina and I received a letter from the NC office threatening to close the case. When I was able to speak with someone I was told I wasn’t going to get any money anyway because he was on food stamps. My reply: "My kids eat, can I get part of those food stamps?"
Needless to say, I have resigned myself to the child support offices in GA and NC to just being the tally keepers. Every now and then they might send out a letter to them threatening to take their licenses and a letter to me threatening to close my case. Whatever they can do to rid themselves of the problem, with the exception of actively doing their job.
Raising a child, of course, is about much more than money. I have nurtured my children, provided them with all my support, care, and love. I’ve done my best to direct them and help them navigate through life. I’ve sat in emergency rooms until 6 am, nursed sick babies at home and away at school (no matter how old, they' re always my babies), and sat through many a football game as a proud football, band and dance mom. I’ve been a room parent, sat on two PTA boards at the same time and shuffled schedules and children between high school, middle school and elementary school. I’ve done all this and more, with the help of our village, for their benefit simply because I love them and I want to see them be good citizens and succeed in this life.
So to all the men who think paying child support is somehow beneath you or too much of a burden or for the benefit of the mother, grow the fuck up and try putting your children ahead of your of own selfishness for a change.
Addendum:
Yes, I know not all custodial parents are women and in some cases the children live with a guardian and both parents owe child support. I am speaking from my experience. You can share yours in the comments.
After receiving several emails from the child support office, I thought maybe someone had hit the lottery and all was about to be made right. Instead, I logged in today to see that my younger daughter’s father had paid half of his monthly payment. So apparently the emails were a glitch in the system. I clicked over to the screen that shows the amount owed in arrears and he owes a little over $10,000. He seems to only pay when his license is threatened. He’s a gainfully employed corporate IT guy, who buys $300 shoes for our daughter, but asks for an itemized bill before he will pay his half of the out of pocket orthodontic expenses. I guess the braces on her teeth aren’t enough proof. He’s tried the “I need an itemized list of all that she (meaning me) buys/pay for” in court, and the judge set him straight then. Old habits die hard.
I left that screen and clicked over to the other order and saw that Mr. Drake owes $157,702.20 in child support for our two children. Let that roll over in your mind for a while.
$157,702.20 could pay for braces for everyone.
$157,702.20 could have allowed for our son and daughter to participate in all the extra-curricular activities they wanted. It could have also allowed for a tutor when they both had their struggles in math or before they took the ACT or PSAT/SAT.
$157,702.20 could have paid for private school if I so chose to go that route.
$157,702.20 could pay our son’s college tuition. Instead, he’s going to be saddled with student loans, for which I am the co-signer.
Unfortunately, the wonderful lawyer I had retired and most other attorneys want a crazy retainer before they will even look at your case, so I am at the mercy of the state child support office. One would think they are working for the non-custodial parents, related even, or that I was asking the case worker to come out her pocket. Each time I inquired about my case, I received a threat to cancel my case in return. When I first moved to Georgia, I spent a year and half traveling (3 hours one way) back and forth every 3 months to attend a child support hearing that never happened because they failed to serve Mr. Drake. The one time I missed court because I was tired of the foolishness, I was told my case would be closed. So I moved the case to GA and filed with the DA’s office in my county so they could handle the inter-state communication. He moved to North Carolina and I received a letter from the NC office threatening to close the case. When I was able to speak with someone I was told I wasn’t going to get any money anyway because he was on food stamps. My reply: "My kids eat, can I get part of those food stamps?"
Needless to say, I have resigned myself to the child support offices in GA and NC to just being the tally keepers. Every now and then they might send out a letter to them threatening to take their licenses and a letter to me threatening to close my case. Whatever they can do to rid themselves of the problem, with the exception of actively doing their job.
Raising a child, of course, is about much more than money. I have nurtured my children, provided them with all my support, care, and love. I’ve done my best to direct them and help them navigate through life. I’ve sat in emergency rooms until 6 am, nursed sick babies at home and away at school (no matter how old, they' re always my babies), and sat through many a football game as a proud football, band and dance mom. I’ve been a room parent, sat on two PTA boards at the same time and shuffled schedules and children between high school, middle school and elementary school. I’ve done all this and more, with the help of our village, for their benefit simply because I love them and I want to see them be good citizens and succeed in this life.
So to all the men who think paying child support is somehow beneath you or too much of a burden or for the benefit of the mother, grow the fuck up and try putting your children ahead of your of own selfishness for a change.
Addendum:
Yes, I know not all custodial parents are women and in some cases the children live with a guardian and both parents owe child support. I am speaking from my experience. You can share yours in the comments.
