It ended where it began, Arizona’s. The last nail in the coffin came a few days before when I saw New Guy at the school and the best he could do was wave at me as I was driving off. I sent him a text letting him know that I didn’t appreciate that. Of course, he tried to come back with something about me making more out of it than it really was, but I told him that I was starting to notice a pattern and I didn’t like the picture that was being painted. He got frustrated and didn’t want to speak any more. Later, I texted him and asked exactly what his intentions were regarding me. He didn’t respond until a day later and when he did he said he couldn’t understand the question. (I have since learned that apparently other men read that question a lot differently than I had intended.) I clarified that I wanted to know, which was his interest level was in our relationship. He told me that was putting the horse before the cart and he just wanted me to stop being spoiled. Spoiled? Horse before the cart? Funny, that was never a consideration when he was trying to sleep with me. We went back and forth with a few more text messages and then I finally just said see ya! He came back with some text about me needing to look deep within so that I can be honest and real. Excuse me? I’m not sure what it is he thinks I haven’t been honest or real about, but I was quite honest with him and that is why I let him know that I thought he was a nice guy, just not the nice guy for me. That was then…
Fast forward to Friday night: I’m at the restaurant enjoying the band when I notice New Guy walk through the door. He claims he didn’t see me, but not 10 seconds after he arrived I received a text from him stating that he had been thinking about me all day. Really? I politely deleted his text without a response. A few minutes later I was trying to make my way to the door and had to walk past him and his friends. In retrospect, his facial expression did carry a look of surprise, so maybe he didn’t know I was there. I walked by with nothing more than an “excuse me”. He just looked at me with his mouth gaping open. Now begins the onslaught of texts. He couldn’t believe I would walk past him and not say anything. I told him to stop being spoiled. He continues to send his messages; I continue to delete them unanswered. Eventually, he drinks up enough courage to come over and speak to me face to face. We exchange a few words and I walk away to go speak to someone else. When I decide to leave, he begins begging me to meet him somewhere afterwards. I’m not having it and tell him as much.
His actions on Friday only reconfirmed for me that I was about sex to him. Why else are you texting me at 10pm at night, and you’re out drinking, talking about you’ve been thinking about me all day. That was supposed to be the beginning of the set up but I ruined his plans by being present and having a brain. I am so tired of being nothing than more than a piece of ass for some man to “tap”. I love sex, and I am a sexual person, but I’m really tired of people mistaking my openness and honesty for stupidity. I would really like to get into a man’s head literally. I would like to know if they have a conscience or care about how what they do affects the other person. I can’t tell that many of them do.
At any rate, I feel like I passed a test. I was able to decipher the signs, check my feelings and act. A few years ago it would not have been that easy and I would have been typing this two-five years from now. Oh well, time not wasted is time saved.
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
The misAdventures of a Dating Single Mom, Part II
I met someone about a month ago. It wasn’t through Match. That turned out to be a waste of money, maybe. I still go online and check my matches and see who has viewed my page, but I’m guessing that they are weeding themselves out by not trying to contact me and I’m ok with that.
But back to New Guy. He approached me at my favorite hang out just as I was about to leave. He was very sweet and we hit it off immediately. After that night, we had a bit of a rocky start, miscommunication, dates with friends, etc. But once we got our grove, it was good. We were on the phone like we were teenagers in high school, talking into the late hours of the night and the conversations didn’t even revolve around sex. That’s not to say we didn’t have a couple of sessions, we did, but we had so many other things to talk about. It was great. I didn’t realize how much I missed that part of a relationship, the connection outside of the sex. It looked like everything was headed in the right direction and then…
I found myself wanting to be around this man as much as I possibly could and we were making time for each other, a sneak out after the kids’ bedtime or before we had to pick them up from school. Yes, he’s a single father too so I thought we would be a perfect match, and then…
Once again, communication and timing got in our way. I had a dinner date with a friend and was going to meet him afterwards. I called him after I left the restaurant to find out what was what. He was in the process of dropping his son off where he was going to be for the night and he was going to call me back. Well, when he finally called he was on his way to the place where we met and I was at home. It was dark and raining and I didn’t want to drive any more. I had hoped for a night in, but he clearly had other plans. When he called me the second time it was late and I had apparently fallen asleep in my clothes. I had to decline his invitation to come out and meet him. The next morning he called me all hot and bothered and we had a great session, so much so I decided to get up, shower and go over to his place. I was hoping for an in person morning session. It didn’t go quite the way I hoped. He had some performance issues, but I didn’t care. I enjoyed spending the time with him. I told him next time I would come prepared with my tools to help him.
Fast forward to this past weekend. Throughout the week, I had been letting him know out right how much I wanted him and how I was feeling about him. He said we could see each other Friday, but then nothing. We spoke, but he never mentioned us getting together that night, but said he would clear his schedule for me for Saturday. I had told him I would be cooking this weekend and he wanted a taste so I made enough for him and his son. I have not cooked for anyone outside of my family and close friends in several years, so the fact that I was doing this was a big deal to me.
Apparently, I didn’t translate that to him because once again he didn’t secure babysitting and my plans were dashed. By the end of the night I couldn’t hide my disappointment. I told him that since he couldn’t stay long at my house when he came over for dinner, I would bring dessert to him. When I called to let him know I was on my way, he informed me that his son was asleep in his bed and so we would have to hang out downstairs. I was not a happy camper. I know it should be about the time spent, but I had plans. We ended up sitting in silence and only speaking to each other intermittently. Eventually, I just asked him to walk me to the door and I left.
He wants me to be understanding of his situation and be “even” when things don’t work out and understand that we’ve only known each other a month so it’s going to be a process getting to know each other. I understand all of that with the exception of being “even”. Am I not suppose to get upset when he walks in front of me at the school and treats me like I’m just any other parent there? Am I not supposed to get upset when we agree to see each other and he waits until the last minute to get a sitter? Am I not supposed to get upset when it seems like I am going forward while he is going backward? What am I suppose to do in those situations. I am the woman and I want to be pursued! I don’t want to always be the one going after him.
I know what it’s like to have to look for babysitting. I don’t have to do it as often, but I do have my moments. But if it’s something that’s important to me, I start looking early to increase my chances of it working out instead of just hoping it will work out on its own. I don’t know if this is how he runs his business or if this is part of what we single parents do, the “hiding behind our children syndrome”, but I’m not a very patient person and once my frustration really sets in, there’s no turning back.
I won’t be giving up my Match subscription any time soon, that’s for sure.
But back to New Guy. He approached me at my favorite hang out just as I was about to leave. He was very sweet and we hit it off immediately. After that night, we had a bit of a rocky start, miscommunication, dates with friends, etc. But once we got our grove, it was good. We were on the phone like we were teenagers in high school, talking into the late hours of the night and the conversations didn’t even revolve around sex. That’s not to say we didn’t have a couple of sessions, we did, but we had so many other things to talk about. It was great. I didn’t realize how much I missed that part of a relationship, the connection outside of the sex. It looked like everything was headed in the right direction and then…
I found myself wanting to be around this man as much as I possibly could and we were making time for each other, a sneak out after the kids’ bedtime or before we had to pick them up from school. Yes, he’s a single father too so I thought we would be a perfect match, and then…
Once again, communication and timing got in our way. I had a dinner date with a friend and was going to meet him afterwards. I called him after I left the restaurant to find out what was what. He was in the process of dropping his son off where he was going to be for the night and he was going to call me back. Well, when he finally called he was on his way to the place where we met and I was at home. It was dark and raining and I didn’t want to drive any more. I had hoped for a night in, but he clearly had other plans. When he called me the second time it was late and I had apparently fallen asleep in my clothes. I had to decline his invitation to come out and meet him. The next morning he called me all hot and bothered and we had a great session, so much so I decided to get up, shower and go over to his place. I was hoping for an in person morning session. It didn’t go quite the way I hoped. He had some performance issues, but I didn’t care. I enjoyed spending the time with him. I told him next time I would come prepared with my tools to help him.
Fast forward to this past weekend. Throughout the week, I had been letting him know out right how much I wanted him and how I was feeling about him. He said we could see each other Friday, but then nothing. We spoke, but he never mentioned us getting together that night, but said he would clear his schedule for me for Saturday. I had told him I would be cooking this weekend and he wanted a taste so I made enough for him and his son. I have not cooked for anyone outside of my family and close friends in several years, so the fact that I was doing this was a big deal to me.
Apparently, I didn’t translate that to him because once again he didn’t secure babysitting and my plans were dashed. By the end of the night I couldn’t hide my disappointment. I told him that since he couldn’t stay long at my house when he came over for dinner, I would bring dessert to him. When I called to let him know I was on my way, he informed me that his son was asleep in his bed and so we would have to hang out downstairs. I was not a happy camper. I know it should be about the time spent, but I had plans. We ended up sitting in silence and only speaking to each other intermittently. Eventually, I just asked him to walk me to the door and I left.
He wants me to be understanding of his situation and be “even” when things don’t work out and understand that we’ve only known each other a month so it’s going to be a process getting to know each other. I understand all of that with the exception of being “even”. Am I not suppose to get upset when he walks in front of me at the school and treats me like I’m just any other parent there? Am I not supposed to get upset when we agree to see each other and he waits until the last minute to get a sitter? Am I not supposed to get upset when it seems like I am going forward while he is going backward? What am I suppose to do in those situations. I am the woman and I want to be pursued! I don’t want to always be the one going after him.
I know what it’s like to have to look for babysitting. I don’t have to do it as often, but I do have my moments. But if it’s something that’s important to me, I start looking early to increase my chances of it working out instead of just hoping it will work out on its own. I don’t know if this is how he runs his business or if this is part of what we single parents do, the “hiding behind our children syndrome”, but I’m not a very patient person and once my frustration really sets in, there’s no turning back.
I won’t be giving up my Match subscription any time soon, that’s for sure.
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