I've heard sometime in my past that the people you date are a reflection of the different you's and the things in them that piss you off are the things that you need to work on in your own life.
My friends often tell me that sometimes my sarcasm and my shortness over the phone is a bit irritating. A couple of them even complain that I can be really mean, something I don't deny, but that's a risk you take when you call me (especially if you call on Saturday before 12p). You never know what kind of mood I may be in that day at that moment. SO perhaps BD2 is reflecting that back to me.
I know he's been angry since our court date turned so wonderfully in our daughter's favor (mine by extension). Needless to say our conversations don't happen as regularly, but when they do they very rarely end on a good note. I've been trying to keep a flat affect when I speak to him because I'm quite sure he's trying to get a reaction out of me, but the past couple of weeks have truly been a test on my ability to remain calm. I don't know if it's the age difference, the lack of sex, the mounting stress from the bills or what but I swear if he continues to talk to me like I am his child, there will be an unleashing he has yet to see. How you gonna raise your voice at me because your phone is messing up and I have to ask you the same question three times to hear your reply. Then you have the nerve to blow up my phones the next day because I'm refusing to answer your calls. And now you want to lecture me on calling you as opposed to texting you when it comes to matters that involve our daughter particularly since you have such a crap phone. It has never occurred to him that perhaps I'm avoiding having a direct conversation with him because he's an ass?
I have to admit I am very proud of the self control I have been demonstrating. He's called to make other arrangements almost every night that he's suppose to have our daughter the last couple of weeks and I have willingly obliged. He can't pick her up from school, fine, I will get her and let him pick her up from my house, whatever it takes for them to have time together (and me to have some breathing room). I ask for the same and I get the run around. Thank goodness I have good people in my life who love my kids and love me and want to see me have a life too.
Men wonder why baby mommas show out on them... Of course, I can't speak for all, but when you are everything to everybody AND you go out of your way to make things easier for him, it's real easy to snap when you don't receive the same consideration in return. In a lot of instances, it takes us snapping before you act like you have an ounce of humanity in you.
I guess the best I can do is to overlook his attitude and next time he wants to change visitation plans, I will let him work that out without my help the same way I have to do any time I have a show to do or I have to go out of town for business, etc. Maybe once we start letting baby daddies walk a mile in our shoes and deal with the frustration of finding a sitter or canceling plans or risk getting fired then they will be a little bit more understanding of our situations, and perhaps the conversations will get a little easier and generousity will be extended from all sides.
Tuesday, November 22, 2005
Monday, November 21, 2005
Woman's Intuition
So, it's been 9 months since I've been involved with anyone. My friends, ok me too, were getting excited because I finally met someone that I was somewhat interested in and he seemed to be understanding of my time constraints being that he too was a single parent.
We talk for hours over the phone. Great, we can communicate. (Almost feels like I'm back in college.)
We meet for lunch. Not so great, the voice and the face don't match up, but I pull it off and laugh at his jokes and we have a pretty good lunch date. One friend says I'm being shallow, but that's like the pot calling the kettle black coming from him.
Ok, maybe I am being a little bit shallow...So we set a second date just to be sure.
Everything is going well. He's excited. I'm excited. I call him an hour before the date to get directions. He's still straightening up. Good, I hate going to a man's home and feeling like I don't want to sit down anywhere let alone use the bathroom.
Ten minutes before I am about to walk out of the door, he calls me to say he has been called in to work. WTF!!! You aren't a doctor. Ok, calm down. I know in the computer world things happen, plans get changed. That's cool. Call me when you're done and maybe we can still salvage the date. In the meantime, I will not be sitting at home wasting a free night of babysitting. Call up the girls, I'm in for the night's events.
I don't hear from What's his name until 6:55am and it's a text message. Apparently, he's just getting in from work. 12 hours. That's impressive. He's going to get some rest and we will talk later. Well, he must still be resting because outside of a quick email, I haven't heard a damn thing. Everything inside me is screaming "HE'S MARRIED! And he got caught trying to play single or came real close to being caught."
Whether he is or not is really of no consequence at this point. The issue I have is the same as always, the inconsideration and disrespect for another person. Is it so hard to pick up a phone, send some flowers, drop a text message and offer up an apology or an explanation? I could easily shake this off as just him, but I keep hearing time and time again from girlfriends that they face the same crap just in a different form. What is up with men? Were we, females, the only ones taught how to act right as children and so now as adults can act right?? I will surely not raise my son to become another one of the pack. He will stand out because he will show respect to women and he will be considerate of other's time, and most of all, he will know that not calling is not the answer. That only infuriates a woman.
We talk for hours over the phone. Great, we can communicate. (Almost feels like I'm back in college.)
We meet for lunch. Not so great, the voice and the face don't match up, but I pull it off and laugh at his jokes and we have a pretty good lunch date. One friend says I'm being shallow, but that's like the pot calling the kettle black coming from him.
Ok, maybe I am being a little bit shallow...So we set a second date just to be sure.
Everything is going well. He's excited. I'm excited. I call him an hour before the date to get directions. He's still straightening up. Good, I hate going to a man's home and feeling like I don't want to sit down anywhere let alone use the bathroom.
Ten minutes before I am about to walk out of the door, he calls me to say he has been called in to work. WTF!!! You aren't a doctor. Ok, calm down. I know in the computer world things happen, plans get changed. That's cool. Call me when you're done and maybe we can still salvage the date. In the meantime, I will not be sitting at home wasting a free night of babysitting. Call up the girls, I'm in for the night's events.
I don't hear from What's his name until 6:55am and it's a text message. Apparently, he's just getting in from work. 12 hours. That's impressive. He's going to get some rest and we will talk later. Well, he must still be resting because outside of a quick email, I haven't heard a damn thing. Everything inside me is screaming "HE'S MARRIED! And he got caught trying to play single or came real close to being caught."
Whether he is or not is really of no consequence at this point. The issue I have is the same as always, the inconsideration and disrespect for another person. Is it so hard to pick up a phone, send some flowers, drop a text message and offer up an apology or an explanation? I could easily shake this off as just him, but I keep hearing time and time again from girlfriends that they face the same crap just in a different form. What is up with men? Were we, females, the only ones taught how to act right as children and so now as adults can act right?? I will surely not raise my son to become another one of the pack. He will stand out because he will show respect to women and he will be considerate of other's time, and most of all, he will know that not calling is not the answer. That only infuriates a woman.
Thursday, November 03, 2005
Questions
I'm really not in the frame of mind to write. I just felt like I should being that I made the big "announcement" that I was back and haven't written anything since.
First, I have to pat myself on the back. I set a goal for myself with my Pure Romance business and I met it. I won the Gift Basket contest at our bi-monthly training and now have the opportunity to win $250 in free product!!! (That's like winning a beginning "kit" or store.) I'm keeping my fingers crossed.
Now, what questions do I have? Plenty and of course they are male-centered. These are not listed in any kind of predetermined order, just whatever rolls off of my mind.
Why would any man think it's ok to ask his child's mother to let him use her car so he can go visit some other woman??? Add to that the fact that he is still married and claims to want his wife back. Why would you even put yourself in that kind of situation? You don't have enough going on with you?
Why do some men feel it's ok to bring all kinds of women around their children and can't see how disrespectful that is to them and the children? Does society support this kind of behavior with men, but then condemn women for "hoing" in front of their children? Why is it more important for the woman to appear chase, but it's ok for the man to model being a ho?
If I'm paying for the meal, why do you feel the need to ask me since when did I start balling? Can't you just be grateful for a free meal?
What does it really mean when someone tells you that you are an “intense” person? Are they calling you crazy is a nice way?
Have the gods gone crazy or am I just working in a nut house? (and not the kind of nuts I like!)
Why do men disappear for periods (short or long) at a time? If you don’t want to talk, say that instead of ignoring the phone calls or what have you. Don’t they know that just pisses us off? We grown, say what's on your mind for real and cut out all the BS.
Why is it we as people still don't understand how much our actions or inactions affect other people?
What would drive someone to actually go through with taking his own life? I know what drives you to the thoughts, I've been there before and it's a very dark, lonely place, but thankfully I was pulled out of that darkness. But what actually pushes you to go through with it? YOU, a leader in the community, a friend and helper to everyone; was there no one there who could help you? Did you even know what an empty space, a dark space your abscence would leave? I bet you don't even know the magnitude of this loss or the numbers of people you have touched with your life. Some of us are mad, sad, stunned, in disbelief, denial and confused over the news of your passing. Who will be there to carry the torch now that your light no longer shines?
First, I have to pat myself on the back. I set a goal for myself with my Pure Romance business and I met it. I won the Gift Basket contest at our bi-monthly training and now have the opportunity to win $250 in free product!!! (That's like winning a beginning "kit" or store.) I'm keeping my fingers crossed.
Now, what questions do I have? Plenty and of course they are male-centered. These are not listed in any kind of predetermined order, just whatever rolls off of my mind.
Why would any man think it's ok to ask his child's mother to let him use her car so he can go visit some other woman??? Add to that the fact that he is still married and claims to want his wife back. Why would you even put yourself in that kind of situation? You don't have enough going on with you?
Why do some men feel it's ok to bring all kinds of women around their children and can't see how disrespectful that is to them and the children? Does society support this kind of behavior with men, but then condemn women for "hoing" in front of their children? Why is it more important for the woman to appear chase, but it's ok for the man to model being a ho?
If I'm paying for the meal, why do you feel the need to ask me since when did I start balling? Can't you just be grateful for a free meal?
What does it really mean when someone tells you that you are an “intense” person? Are they calling you crazy is a nice way?
Have the gods gone crazy or am I just working in a nut house? (and not the kind of nuts I like!)
Why do men disappear for periods (short or long) at a time? If you don’t want to talk, say that instead of ignoring the phone calls or what have you. Don’t they know that just pisses us off? We grown, say what's on your mind for real and cut out all the BS.
Why is it we as people still don't understand how much our actions or inactions affect other people?
What would drive someone to actually go through with taking his own life? I know what drives you to the thoughts, I've been there before and it's a very dark, lonely place, but thankfully I was pulled out of that darkness. But what actually pushes you to go through with it? YOU, a leader in the community, a friend and helper to everyone; was there no one there who could help you? Did you even know what an empty space, a dark space your abscence would leave? I bet you don't even know the magnitude of this loss or the numbers of people you have touched with your life. Some of us are mad, sad, stunned, in disbelief, denial and confused over the news of your passing. Who will be there to carry the torch now that your light no longer shines?
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