Friends, foes, peeping tom's and the like. I must apologize and give myself the "Ooh Darryl". A few posts ago I blasted someone, well someone's and now I must recant. It was a total mix up and I am so very, very sorry for any hurt or hardship I may have been a party to.
Excuse me while I receive my ten lashings now.
Wednesday, June 29, 2005
Tuesday, June 28, 2005
Back in the Day
I'm probably late, but I just got a view of the Eve clip that is currently floating around. A male friend of mine was in shock that she "could take all of that". Me, not so shocked, but then again I have been a party in fisting.
Moving right along...
Watching that video (several times in a row) brought back memories of a past relationship which always makes me then compare it to the most current past relationship. In this past past relationship, the sex was so adventurous and passionate and unplanned (so were the children...laughing at myself...but seriously). As in all relationships, we went at it all of the time in the beginning. We started off slow with the "heavy petting", ice tricks (Mooky), and then we went full monty. But 10 years of sex with the same person (he had a few extra here and there, as did I) and the things we came up with always took it to the next level. That's not to say we didn't have some stale moments, but we always recovered. Sex with him almost always gave me a high. It was also a gauge of where our relationship was. If we were bad the sex was awful, if we were good the sex was phenomenal. In the drive way, on the stairs, oral sex (him) standing up, feet on ceiling, karma sutra poses (baby hold the book up I can't see how we suppose to do this), video camera, role play, nothing was off limits.
But the thing I loved most about him, he admired the pussy. He would get there and just look at it taking in the very essence of me, loving it, stroking it before taking it. His oral skills grew over the years (yes ladies they can be taught). It use to be at least 30-45 minutes before I would climax. He got that shit down to 5 or less. When he started working at the sex toy shop HE introduced ME to toys. And that's where the Eve video comes in *sigh*...
It's been a minute since I've had that carefree kind of sex (I miss you Dee and David). It's been even longer since I've had it in a relationship. My most recent ex was more of a slow groove kind of lover; he didn't even talk during sex. At first, I was excited about it because it was different than what I had known, but every now and then a girl wants, needs, CRAVES the rough shit (without the pain, thanks). Somehow sex with him always felt planned even if it wasn't. We didn't play at it or with it or have very many occasions when accessories were used, there was no role playing. Hell, he wasn't even sure he could deal with my sexual openness. He did get over that right quick and fast, but it made me feel like I was corrupting a good guy.
WHY did I stick around?
We had a connection.
He was open to experiencing new things.
I was trying to be mature about my decisions for being in a relationship. I mean the other was good in bed, but he lacked in every other category. I can't go picking relationships based on how good someone is in bed...
He had good anal. Fo' Sho' it was good! He wasn't all that innocent apparently. That first time he was so smmmoooth, he put it on me before I even realized what was going on and once I did, I begged him not to stop.
So, all in all, I guess I would say that each had their stellar moves. Neither was "better" or "best", they were just different.
Moving right along...
Watching that video (several times in a row) brought back memories of a past relationship which always makes me then compare it to the most current past relationship. In this past past relationship, the sex was so adventurous and passionate and unplanned (so were the children...laughing at myself...but seriously). As in all relationships, we went at it all of the time in the beginning. We started off slow with the "heavy petting", ice tricks (Mooky), and then we went full monty. But 10 years of sex with the same person (he had a few extra here and there, as did I) and the things we came up with always took it to the next level. That's not to say we didn't have some stale moments, but we always recovered. Sex with him almost always gave me a high. It was also a gauge of where our relationship was. If we were bad the sex was awful, if we were good the sex was phenomenal. In the drive way, on the stairs, oral sex (him) standing up, feet on ceiling, karma sutra poses (baby hold the book up I can't see how we suppose to do this), video camera, role play, nothing was off limits.
But the thing I loved most about him, he admired the pussy. He would get there and just look at it taking in the very essence of me, loving it, stroking it before taking it. His oral skills grew over the years (yes ladies they can be taught). It use to be at least 30-45 minutes before I would climax. He got that shit down to 5 or less. When he started working at the sex toy shop HE introduced ME to toys. And that's where the Eve video comes in *sigh*...
It's been a minute since I've had that carefree kind of sex (I miss you Dee and David). It's been even longer since I've had it in a relationship. My most recent ex was more of a slow groove kind of lover; he didn't even talk during sex. At first, I was excited about it because it was different than what I had known, but every now and then a girl wants, needs, CRAVES the rough shit (without the pain, thanks). Somehow sex with him always felt planned even if it wasn't. We didn't play at it or with it or have very many occasions when accessories were used, there was no role playing. Hell, he wasn't even sure he could deal with my sexual openness. He did get over that right quick and fast, but it made me feel like I was corrupting a good guy.
WHY did I stick around?
We had a connection.
He was open to experiencing new things.
I was trying to be mature about my decisions for being in a relationship. I mean the other was good in bed, but he lacked in every other category. I can't go picking relationships based on how good someone is in bed...
He had good anal. Fo' Sho' it was good! He wasn't all that innocent apparently. That first time he was so smmmoooth, he put it on me before I even realized what was going on and once I did, I begged him not to stop.
So, all in all, I guess I would say that each had their stellar moves. Neither was "better" or "best", they were just different.
Monday, June 27, 2005
For All Those That Don't Have A Clue
If you call or IM and ask can we "kick it", "hang out", "hang in", "chill", "go somewhere", "meet up" or otherwise date and though you ask at the last minute, the other party blocks off that time in their calendar, sets up a sitter (for all the single moms), and makes every attempt to be ready at the decided time and you do not show up nor do you call, well first of all that's just rude and you can expect to get your ass handed to you when the other party does decide to talk to you again. Secondly, you get an "Ooh Darryl".
And then if you try to call with a lame ass story or trip because you don't understand why they are so upset, you get another one. PEOPLE, it's about respecting the other person's time. If you running late or changed your mind or just can't make it, pick up a phone...and don't be waiting until 2 hours later. You knew 3 hours ago you weren't coming.
Other Ooh Darryl's from the weekend:
People who live in apartment buildings and leave candles burning while they out doing God-knows-what. DO you know that's a fire hazard??? I ain't trying to lose all of my possessions and home because your ass is stupid. Save that shit for when you buy your house.
Grown ass men that have jobs and get a paycheck regularly but still can't manage to pay they bills! What is that??? No, it's not always about somebody messing up your check, or your boy didn't give you the money he owed you. You knew that bill was due. You don't have any money in your checking account? What about the savings? Damn, budget nigga, budget!
And then if you try to call with a lame ass story or trip because you don't understand why they are so upset, you get another one. PEOPLE, it's about respecting the other person's time. If you running late or changed your mind or just can't make it, pick up a phone...and don't be waiting until 2 hours later. You knew 3 hours ago you weren't coming.
Other Ooh Darryl's from the weekend:
People who live in apartment buildings and leave candles burning while they out doing God-knows-what. DO you know that's a fire hazard??? I ain't trying to lose all of my possessions and home because your ass is stupid. Save that shit for when you buy your house.
Grown ass men that have jobs and get a paycheck regularly but still can't manage to pay they bills! What is that??? No, it's not always about somebody messing up your check, or your boy didn't give you the money he owed you. You knew that bill was due. You don't have any money in your checking account? What about the savings? Damn, budget nigga, budget!
Friday, June 24, 2005
Oooh Darryl continued
Why, if you have been separated for hmmm, at least 10 years, and you have dated other people and your "husband" has a live-in girlfriend would you 1) ask me to wish you a happy anniversary and 2)think I would be excited about you giving him some to celebrate this anniversary?
I've never been married so maybe I just don't understand why it is that some married people will go through the trouble of moving into seperate living quarters, lead seperate lives and even fill out the divorce papers, but won't take the next step of actually getting the divorce. If it's that hard to let go then maybe you all need to rethink the situation and actually get back together instead of playing.
I've never been married so maybe I just don't understand why it is that some married people will go through the trouble of moving into seperate living quarters, lead seperate lives and even fill out the divorce papers, but won't take the next step of actually getting the divorce. If it's that hard to let go then maybe you all need to rethink the situation and actually get back together instead of playing.
Thursday, June 23, 2005
Oooh Darryl
A girlfriend and I have come up with a saying for people that do stupid stuff aptly named after someone who shall remain faceless. We decided it would be good to keep a list and at the end of the year host the Darryl awards for the dumbest of the dumb, so from time to time I will be posting the "Ooh Darryl Moments" and you can vote on the deserving one and please feel free to add to the list. The list generated will drive the categories for the award ceremony.
June 23, 2005
• I’m sure you all have heard the story by now, but, Reuben Houston gets an “Ooh Darryl” nod. You can read about his folly here Houston.
• My dear sister L, had a friend of hers come to the reunion with her. She waited until we were probably an hour away from Grandmother’s to turn them around and have them go back. Why? No one really knows but her. When they left, she then got them lost on the way back to I-95S so they did not make it back to Miami until 3:30am. We left SC at 12:30pm.
• I’m debating adding this one because it may incriminate the messenger, but what the hell. So the “Ooh Darryl” moment comes in when someone proceeds to leave a post on my page. If I offended your feminine sensibilities so much those three years ago, why go through the trouble of “researching” who I am and then leaving a post on my blog page so I know you were here. Is it about the attention and it matters not where it comes from or are you now ready to go there? (To clarify, it's a question, not a hit.)
• I almost forgot about this one, until a friend of mine just reminded me. Tiy-E Muhammad. The article in the AJC really did read like a jilted lover venting, but Bruh come on, your explanations on the radio just didn’t cut it. Who really gets their PhD in Psychology from an unaccredited university let alone one online?? I get those emails all of the time, but you can best believe I’m not wasting my time, energy and money on a piece of paper that can’t hold water. And no, it’s not just about trying to knock a brother down, but when you put yourself out there as a Dr., author and authority/expert best believe someone is going to look into your credentials. Better have your house in order when they come snooping.
I will be adding to the list as the moments occur...
Tuesday, June 14, 2005
Emotional Trip
I once read that perhaps we make the same mistakes because we haven't learned the lesson, well I'm learning, finally, to take people at their word and to recognize my own emotion behind the action. That emotion is what trips me up every time.
Immature how we go for the guy because he reminds us of Tupac upon first seeing him. The conversation is cool, he turns us on to new things, opens us up sexually and then we think we grown enough to have his baby. Only he doesn't want a child, "I ain't ready for that and it will ruin your college career. Besides what will your mom do." Fear sets in and before you know, there's no more baby and we take out every emotion we're feeling on him. That ends the relationship.
Crazy how we gave our number up because he was "funny". The poetry intoxicates us, keeps us blind to what our mind's eye can see-the lies, the potential for abuse, the probability of being used. But no, he loves us, he wants to start a family with us. We can atone for the first act and bring life into this world. Momma warns us that something just ain't right about this one, temper is too quick and he reminds her of our father with one exception, he doesn't like to work and our father was a provider. But we know better than Momma... Ten years, two children and one failed relationship later we understand now what Momma was talking about.
OK, we ran from that situation and are starting over in a new city. That will solve everything. But then insane as it was, we meet him online. Liked something he said on his page, liked what he said in person even better. Nevermind that our friends want to know why he ain't gave us the home number and if she just an ex, why she don't know about you and have you been to his house yet? The signs are staring us in the face and yet all he has to do his touch...the chills down the spine erase the doubt, but the conversation with the wife and her beating his ass cleared it all up.
We take a minute to recover from the built up hurt, stepping back out into the sunshine, After all they can't be the winner in this and keep us down and out of sight. We on another path, following the sign that says right instead of going left because it looks like the right way to go. The guards are up, there's no getting past the fence without the passcode.
Wait...
Hold up...
Who the hell left the gate open?
Immature how we go for the guy because he reminds us of Tupac upon first seeing him. The conversation is cool, he turns us on to new things, opens us up sexually and then we think we grown enough to have his baby. Only he doesn't want a child, "I ain't ready for that and it will ruin your college career. Besides what will your mom do." Fear sets in and before you know, there's no more baby and we take out every emotion we're feeling on him. That ends the relationship.
Crazy how we gave our number up because he was "funny". The poetry intoxicates us, keeps us blind to what our mind's eye can see-the lies, the potential for abuse, the probability of being used. But no, he loves us, he wants to start a family with us. We can atone for the first act and bring life into this world. Momma warns us that something just ain't right about this one, temper is too quick and he reminds her of our father with one exception, he doesn't like to work and our father was a provider. But we know better than Momma... Ten years, two children and one failed relationship later we understand now what Momma was talking about.
OK, we ran from that situation and are starting over in a new city. That will solve everything. But then insane as it was, we meet him online. Liked something he said on his page, liked what he said in person even better. Nevermind that our friends want to know why he ain't gave us the home number and if she just an ex, why she don't know about you and have you been to his house yet? The signs are staring us in the face and yet all he has to do his touch...the chills down the spine erase the doubt, but the conversation with the wife and her beating his ass cleared it all up.
We take a minute to recover from the built up hurt, stepping back out into the sunshine, After all they can't be the winner in this and keep us down and out of sight. We on another path, following the sign that says right instead of going left because it looks like the right way to go. The guards are up, there's no getting past the fence without the passcode.
Wait...
Hold up...
Who the hell left the gate open?
Thursday, June 09, 2005
The Purple People Eater
That's what I call my anger...
I must ask this question again, WHY do people insist on messing with me when I'm already in a pissy mood? My daughters didn't want to let me get my sleep out, (and anyone who knows me knows I VALUE MY SLEEP) waking up and finding me in the middle of the night so they could then proceed to take my cover off of me, ask for juice or milk or "cup", my oldest daughter having nightmares and then waking me up because she doesn't want to go back to sleep, so I just got up and went to take my shower.
Then there's the process of getting three children ready to get out the house in the morning. My daughter, having been up before all the rest, was ready to get dressed when I came out of the bathroom (a first) so I gave her her clothes. She starts yelling about her pants being too tight. She's 5. I turn around and look at her like she's crazy and as calmly as possible tell her to go pick out another pair of jeans. She decides the ones she has already put on are fine.
On to child number two. He hates to get up for school so I call him until he finally answers with the "huh?" as though he doesn't know what I want. He's 10 and big enough to have this process down and yet I have to tell him to get up and wash up and start putting on his lotion. He does, but then in between doing the things he needs to do to be ready he's back in the bed and I'm constantly having to get him up to eat his breakfast or brush his teeth, whatever. Parents, please help me understand WHY it is that even though we go through the same rituals week in and week out that we have to instruct our children step by step each day in the process of getting ready for school??? That is the most aggravating thing to me. I come into work pissed off damn near every morning, not because of traffic but because of my children. Were we like this as children? You know what don't answer that. I do hear my mother's voice a whole lot of the time when I'm dealing with my children, "how can you get dressed in the dark?"; "how are you putting on clothes laying down?"; and my personal favorite, the one I said I would never say to my children, "it doesn't hurt to want". You know, it really doesn't. Yeah, I guess I am getting it back, but I think I'm getting a little extra. My kids, well my son in particular, don't seem to have a whole lot of common sense and it's annoying. Am I expecting too much for their ages?
Anywho, I get them ready and the baby is unusually cooperative this morning, I ignore my phone so we are able to make it to school. I drop them off and the baby decides she doesn't want to let me go. What the hell? Any other day she doesn't even stop long enough to tell me bye. Now, today I have a training to co-host first thing this morning and she doesn't want to let me go. Eventually, the teacher gets her and I'm on my way.
OK, I'm making good time, everything's good, I'm trying to bring my attitude under control before I get to the training and then I receive a text message from baby daddy responding to the message I sent him yesterday after he didn't call me back once he woke up. So I respond to his stupid ass response and he responds by calling. We argue, I hang up. Can't deal with this bullshit. Folks want you to respond to them right away, but they can take all day, all week even to respond to you. I can spend money running back and forth to my lawyer so he can make changes to documents, but your ass can't even come to the table prepared to have a real discussion. Bet you thought you could get away with your late payments or partial payments to the day care and visiting her on your own terms when, where and if you felt like it. Well, guess what, those days are done! I'm so tired of everyone hollering about personal accountability but at the same time only pointing out others fault and not accepting responsibility for their own actions or inactions. You a man? You a daddy? Act like it and stop telling me how to run my house when yours is so out of order. You don’t want to pay that much in child support, but you may need to come have dinner with us ‘cause you broke. You funny. The child support is there to support YOUR child. You are not robbing me, you’re robbing her. Marinate on that for a minute. I may have to come back at another time and break that down for those of you who don’t understand the purpose of child support and somehow have this twisted notion that you are supporting the mother.
Well, I feel a little better, somewhat better. I guess I better shake it off and go get back to work.
Oh, I’ll be better able to “feel better” and shake it of if you stop sending me annoying emails and text messages. Don’t you hate when a muhfukker know they pissed you off and then they send you messages asking you how you doing and wishing you a joyous and peaceful rest of the day? IF you leave me the hell alone so I can calm down that might happen!
I must ask this question again, WHY do people insist on messing with me when I'm already in a pissy mood? My daughters didn't want to let me get my sleep out, (and anyone who knows me knows I VALUE MY SLEEP) waking up and finding me in the middle of the night so they could then proceed to take my cover off of me, ask for juice or milk or "cup", my oldest daughter having nightmares and then waking me up because she doesn't want to go back to sleep, so I just got up and went to take my shower.
Then there's the process of getting three children ready to get out the house in the morning. My daughter, having been up before all the rest, was ready to get dressed when I came out of the bathroom (a first) so I gave her her clothes. She starts yelling about her pants being too tight. She's 5. I turn around and look at her like she's crazy and as calmly as possible tell her to go pick out another pair of jeans. She decides the ones she has already put on are fine.
On to child number two. He hates to get up for school so I call him until he finally answers with the "huh?" as though he doesn't know what I want. He's 10 and big enough to have this process down and yet I have to tell him to get up and wash up and start putting on his lotion. He does, but then in between doing the things he needs to do to be ready he's back in the bed and I'm constantly having to get him up to eat his breakfast or brush his teeth, whatever. Parents, please help me understand WHY it is that even though we go through the same rituals week in and week out that we have to instruct our children step by step each day in the process of getting ready for school??? That is the most aggravating thing to me. I come into work pissed off damn near every morning, not because of traffic but because of my children. Were we like this as children? You know what don't answer that. I do hear my mother's voice a whole lot of the time when I'm dealing with my children, "how can you get dressed in the dark?"; "how are you putting on clothes laying down?"; and my personal favorite, the one I said I would never say to my children, "it doesn't hurt to want". You know, it really doesn't. Yeah, I guess I am getting it back, but I think I'm getting a little extra. My kids, well my son in particular, don't seem to have a whole lot of common sense and it's annoying. Am I expecting too much for their ages?
Anywho, I get them ready and the baby is unusually cooperative this morning, I ignore my phone so we are able to make it to school. I drop them off and the baby decides she doesn't want to let me go. What the hell? Any other day she doesn't even stop long enough to tell me bye. Now, today I have a training to co-host first thing this morning and she doesn't want to let me go. Eventually, the teacher gets her and I'm on my way.
OK, I'm making good time, everything's good, I'm trying to bring my attitude under control before I get to the training and then I receive a text message from baby daddy responding to the message I sent him yesterday after he didn't call me back once he woke up. So I respond to his stupid ass response and he responds by calling. We argue, I hang up. Can't deal with this bullshit. Folks want you to respond to them right away, but they can take all day, all week even to respond to you. I can spend money running back and forth to my lawyer so he can make changes to documents, but your ass can't even come to the table prepared to have a real discussion. Bet you thought you could get away with your late payments or partial payments to the day care and visiting her on your own terms when, where and if you felt like it. Well, guess what, those days are done! I'm so tired of everyone hollering about personal accountability but at the same time only pointing out others fault and not accepting responsibility for their own actions or inactions. You a man? You a daddy? Act like it and stop telling me how to run my house when yours is so out of order. You don’t want to pay that much in child support, but you may need to come have dinner with us ‘cause you broke. You funny. The child support is there to support YOUR child. You are not robbing me, you’re robbing her. Marinate on that for a minute. I may have to come back at another time and break that down for those of you who don’t understand the purpose of child support and somehow have this twisted notion that you are supporting the mother.
Well, I feel a little better, somewhat better. I guess I better shake it off and go get back to work.
Oh, I’ll be better able to “feel better” and shake it of if you stop sending me annoying emails and text messages. Don’t you hate when a muhfukker know they pissed you off and then they send you messages asking you how you doing and wishing you a joyous and peaceful rest of the day? IF you leave me the hell alone so I can calm down that might happen!
Wednesday, June 08, 2005
I was tagged!
I don't really know anyone yet, so I don't have anyone to tag...
| You scored as Existentialism. Your life is guided by the concept of Existentialism: You choose the meaning and purpose of your life. “Man is condemned to be free; because once thrown into the world, he is responsible for everything he does.” “It is up to you to give [life] a meaning.” --Jean-Paul Sartre “It is man's natural sickness to believe that he possesses the Truth.” --Blaise Pascal More info at Arocoun's Wikipedia User Page...
What philosophy do you follow? (v1.03) created with QuizFarm.com |
Tuesday, June 07, 2005
Moral Dilemma
I have a friend, a rent-a-husband of sorts. We've known each other for 11 years now, he has been known to watch my kids, help me move, fix my car and give me massages (he's a mechanic and licensed massage therapist and I do pay for these services). There's just one little problem, his wife. When they were dating their relationship wasn't that great. Even his physician told him she wasn't good for his health and he needed to let her go. As friends we provided him with an ear and our advice, but in the end he chose to marry her. She hates his female friends and rarely does she say anything past a general hello. The last time I saw her and she spoke I didn't even realize she was speaking to me because that's how rare it is for her to strike up a conversation. Anywho, on Sunday I received a text to send her my address. I ignored it. Today, he sent me a text requesting that I send her my address so she could send me an invitation to the babyshower. Instead of telling him that I didn't want to attend the shower and pretend to be friendly with her and people I don't know, I just used the convenient excuse that I had a fundraiser planned for the date of the shower and I would just give him the gift.
Am I wrong? Am I being a bad friend and unsupportive? How long do you stand on the sideline and watch your friend be hurt and not say anything or walk away altogether? Or should I just suck it up and play the good friend and join the party?
Am I wrong? Am I being a bad friend and unsupportive? How long do you stand on the sideline and watch your friend be hurt and not say anything or walk away altogether? Or should I just suck it up and play the good friend and join the party?
Monday, June 06, 2005
Is Blood Really Thicker Than Water??
I have to continuously ask myself that question when I look at my interfamilial relationships versus my intrafamilial relationships. I come from a relatively large family, one that I at one point did not claim, but had to come to the realization that they are my sisters and brothers whether I like it or not. I have nine, YES NINE, brothers and sisters, my father had 3 and my mother had 3 and they came together and had 4. My oldest sibling is about 15 years my senior and my youngest sibling is almost seven years my junior. Funny thing though, they act a lot alike. I suppose that stems from their individual belief that the world owes them something.
I'm not closer to my "mother's children" or my "father's children". I am very close to my brother "above" me (seven years older than me) even though he's on the other side of the world serving in Afghanistan. When we were children, I now suspect that I got on his nerves as little sisters do, following in behind him and his friends, holding secret crushes on one or two of them you know that sort of thing. He had me believing for a long time that my parents found me on the side of the road and took me in; I had visualized it and everything. Then he went off to college and our relationship completely changed. He became my big bro the one I always bragged about and then he became a very good friend to me and I became one to him. When he was in VA we spoke no less than 4 times a week and we called each other so that we could watch the Bernie Mac Show together. lol He even gave me his line shirt after he crossed Omega Psi Phi, an honor even his wife was not privileged to receive. Then there is my sister in Miami. We speak pretty much everyday through email, text messages and phone. At one point I was pretty sure that if she could kill me and hide the body she would. I took her place as the baby girl and she never forgave me for committing such a sin. I felt she was against my mother and wanted her mother to get back with our father and I think I was partly right on that, but I was fiercely protective of my mom, so if you were against her you were against me and I had no words for her up until a few years ago when I decided to go have Thanksgiving with my father's family. Up until that point, I hadn't seen them since his funeral in 1995. My mother and father's break up was horrible, he was abusive to her, so I hadn't spoken to him until my cousin Tammy's funeral a month before his own. Yeah, I hold a hell of a grudge.
I don't really talk to my other siblings except for maybe once a year or so or when I need them to do something involving my mother's estate or when they want something from me. My baby sister falls somewhere in between the two extremes. Our relationship has never been what I had hoped it would be. From her birth we were at odds. Probably another case of the baby girl being dethroned, but then there was just something different about her. I thought she was evil in the flesh. I have since come down off of such strong sentiments, but we still have a love-hate relationship. I gave up my life in Atlanta and relocated back to a place I hate, Birmingham, AL, after our mother's death so that she could finish high school with her friends. Every week was something with her, smoking, drinking (she thought I didn't know) disappearing for days at a time, coming in late, constant fighting and she would do anything she could to get her way including stealing my identity and taking money out of my checking account, opening credit cards and the best one of all telling the Social Security office I was stealing her checks. Eventually she moved out and we started to repair our dysfunctional relationship. Fast forward to the present... Baby sister is now in Germany. We get along probably every other time we speak. Right now I'm on her "list" because I refused to be hustled into paying a phone bill that I did not create. Had she asked, I may have been willing to pay it. Everyone in the family has been on her "list" at some point or another so we just call each other up and ask "are you on the list this week". It usually follows after we haven't done something to her specification or we didn't email or call often enough. This week, mine has been not paying the phone bill and thus not appreciating her as much as friends who haven't been in her life through significant portions of it. Hmmm, could that be because you haven't made comments to authorities that could have their child taken from them or stolen their identity and caused them to bounce checks all over the city. You think!
Side note, my girl found my shoes and had them waiting for me when I got to her going away party on Saturday!!! I may have to move to Denver.
I'm not closer to my "mother's children" or my "father's children". I am very close to my brother "above" me (seven years older than me) even though he's on the other side of the world serving in Afghanistan. When we were children, I now suspect that I got on his nerves as little sisters do, following in behind him and his friends, holding secret crushes on one or two of them you know that sort of thing. He had me believing for a long time that my parents found me on the side of the road and took me in; I had visualized it and everything. Then he went off to college and our relationship completely changed. He became my big bro the one I always bragged about and then he became a very good friend to me and I became one to him. When he was in VA we spoke no less than 4 times a week and we called each other so that we could watch the Bernie Mac Show together. lol He even gave me his line shirt after he crossed Omega Psi Phi, an honor even his wife was not privileged to receive. Then there is my sister in Miami. We speak pretty much everyday through email, text messages and phone. At one point I was pretty sure that if she could kill me and hide the body she would. I took her place as the baby girl and she never forgave me for committing such a sin. I felt she was against my mother and wanted her mother to get back with our father and I think I was partly right on that, but I was fiercely protective of my mom, so if you were against her you were against me and I had no words for her up until a few years ago when I decided to go have Thanksgiving with my father's family. Up until that point, I hadn't seen them since his funeral in 1995. My mother and father's break up was horrible, he was abusive to her, so I hadn't spoken to him until my cousin Tammy's funeral a month before his own. Yeah, I hold a hell of a grudge.
I don't really talk to my other siblings except for maybe once a year or so or when I need them to do something involving my mother's estate or when they want something from me. My baby sister falls somewhere in between the two extremes. Our relationship has never been what I had hoped it would be. From her birth we were at odds. Probably another case of the baby girl being dethroned, but then there was just something different about her. I thought she was evil in the flesh. I have since come down off of such strong sentiments, but we still have a love-hate relationship. I gave up my life in Atlanta and relocated back to a place I hate, Birmingham, AL, after our mother's death so that she could finish high school with her friends. Every week was something with her, smoking, drinking (she thought I didn't know) disappearing for days at a time, coming in late, constant fighting and she would do anything she could to get her way including stealing my identity and taking money out of my checking account, opening credit cards and the best one of all telling the Social Security office I was stealing her checks. Eventually she moved out and we started to repair our dysfunctional relationship. Fast forward to the present... Baby sister is now in Germany. We get along probably every other time we speak. Right now I'm on her "list" because I refused to be hustled into paying a phone bill that I did not create. Had she asked, I may have been willing to pay it. Everyone in the family has been on her "list" at some point or another so we just call each other up and ask "are you on the list this week". It usually follows after we haven't done something to her specification or we didn't email or call often enough. This week, mine has been not paying the phone bill and thus not appreciating her as much as friends who haven't been in her life through significant portions of it. Hmmm, could that be because you haven't made comments to authorities that could have their child taken from them or stolen their identity and caused them to bounce checks all over the city. You think!
Side note, my girl found my shoes and had them waiting for me when I got to her going away party on Saturday!!! I may have to move to Denver.
Friday, June 03, 2005
The Shoes That Got Away
I'm doing much better today, found something else to occupy my mind and time. My sistergirlfriend and children's godmother will be moving to Denver shortly. We have been friends since I was in 10th grade and she has been there for me like one of my kinfolk since my mother died eight years ago. So, to show just a token of my appreciation and to have some friend-girl time, I booked us a room on the executive level at the Westin. They were suppose to have a Spa according to the corporate website, but that was a lie. ANTYWHO, we amused ourselves with all of the free snacks and drinks. I did get a little pissed that she stayed on her cell so much. Do all married people call each other upwards 10 times a day?? Just asking.
Anywho, girlfriend is a shop-a-holic. Are there any support groups in Denver? Ya'll will know when she gets there because there will be a spike in the economy. (I love you though!) I digress, we went shopping for HOURS on her last day here, very uncharacteristic for me, but I actually did most of the buying. Now, I have two outfits with no shoes or purse to go with them. Also, I was unable to get these shoes I've been eyeing for a few weeks but didn't go get right away because I hate to take the kids shopping. Apparently, every damn store from here to Birmingham has sold out of these Montego Bay Beaded slip ons in my size. I can't even get the shoes in my size online (my favorite way to window shop). So after that defeat, I turned my sites to finding shoes/purse for the outfits I just bought and finding some replacement shoes for another pair that I have.
That's a whole 'nother story. In hmmmm 1996, I bought these black sandals with the toe out and strap around the ankle, just as cute as they could be. Needless to say I wore them to their death, BUT low and behold I found another pair, same design, just a taller wedge heel. Well, I did it again, but I think they might be repairable. We'll see what the doctor says next week. After that I bought a pair of dress shoes in the same "family", taller heel. Love my 3 inches or more, but only in shoe heels! Right ladies. LOL, Whew, I make myself laugh. Anyway, I found some shoes to fit into the family, but I think I will branch out from black and go with Taupe. I'll probably be able to wear them with both outfits. So my day has been filled with an ongoing relay race of procrastination. I have got to get focused on this report, but kind of hard to do with sex on the brain. But the overall moral of the story, for me anyway, stop procrastinating and second guessing myself! That's why I didn't get the shoes I wanted and that will be why if I don't have this report in on time my boss will have something to go to HR with to use against me. And that's why I sent that stupid text message.
Never knew shoes could reveal so much. (They do, read closer.)
Anywho, girlfriend is a shop-a-holic. Are there any support groups in Denver? Ya'll will know when she gets there because there will be a spike in the economy. (I love you though!) I digress, we went shopping for HOURS on her last day here, very uncharacteristic for me, but I actually did most of the buying. Now, I have two outfits with no shoes or purse to go with them. Also, I was unable to get these shoes I've been eyeing for a few weeks but didn't go get right away because I hate to take the kids shopping. Apparently, every damn store from here to Birmingham has sold out of these Montego Bay Beaded slip ons in my size. I can't even get the shoes in my size online (my favorite way to window shop). So after that defeat, I turned my sites to finding shoes/purse for the outfits I just bought and finding some replacement shoes for another pair that I have.
That's a whole 'nother story. In hmmmm 1996, I bought these black sandals with the toe out and strap around the ankle, just as cute as they could be. Needless to say I wore them to their death, BUT low and behold I found another pair, same design, just a taller wedge heel. Well, I did it again, but I think they might be repairable. We'll see what the doctor says next week. After that I bought a pair of dress shoes in the same "family", taller heel. Love my 3 inches or more, but only in shoe heels! Right ladies. LOL, Whew, I make myself laugh. Anyway, I found some shoes to fit into the family, but I think I will branch out from black and go with Taupe. I'll probably be able to wear them with both outfits. So my day has been filled with an ongoing relay race of procrastination. I have got to get focused on this report, but kind of hard to do with sex on the brain. But the overall moral of the story, for me anyway, stop procrastinating and second guessing myself! That's why I didn't get the shoes I wanted and that will be why if I don't have this report in on time my boss will have something to go to HR with to use against me. And that's why I sent that stupid text message.
Never knew shoes could reveal so much. (They do, read closer.)
Thursday, June 02, 2005
Where Lonely Heart Meets Horny Ass
Today has been one of those days. I'm horny as hell and I can't seem to shake it. I even sent my ex a text message asking about a phone session at least. He didn't reply until this morning when he sent me an email letting me know that there would be no phone sex as that leads to other things, but he's flattered that I asked. Great, so to repay me you just turned me down twice in one sentence. Stung for a minute, but then I had to tell myself that it was probably for the best, been there done that.
Many hours later and I still don't think I've bought the "it was for the best" pep talk. As I was driving back from lunch I couldn't help but be mad with myself for sending that stupid text and giving the appearance of weakness or at the very least giving him the upper hand. Then I started to feel this overwhelming unhappiness and began to wonder if I would ever just be happy with my life as is or am I just really that hard to please.
Anywho, I suppose I will not indulge in a pitty party my first time blogging. If I should return to this little project I hope to have better things to discuss.
Many hours later and I still don't think I've bought the "it was for the best" pep talk. As I was driving back from lunch I couldn't help but be mad with myself for sending that stupid text and giving the appearance of weakness or at the very least giving him the upper hand. Then I started to feel this overwhelming unhappiness and began to wonder if I would ever just be happy with my life as is or am I just really that hard to please.
Anywho, I suppose I will not indulge in a pitty party my first time blogging. If I should return to this little project I hope to have better things to discuss.
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