Reality Check

This weekend I had the privilege of supporting a loving couple through a long labor and wonderful birth. They were completely in sync with each other and quite without trying, the love radiated from them. Contrast that with my “relationship” with Mr. ED where most times I initiate the contact, we haven’t had a date since our first date almost 5 months ago, and he only seems to want to be in constant contact when he wants to screw, any other time he has no problem ignoring my calls. Add a little sleep deprivation and you have my mood now, frustrated and sullen. Seeing a functional couple highlighted my dysfunctional relationships. Don’t get me wrong, I like my free-spirited, friendship where sex happens to be one of the perks, but it falls short of what I want in my life. I love sex, but I am more than that. I want someone who is understanding enough to love me in spite of. I want someone who is mature enough and secure enough to be the man, be the aggressor in our relationship. I want so badly to be able to take a back seat and not always have to be the one driving the relationship. I don’t know if I will ever find happiness within the confines of a relationship, but I sure hope that I will.