A lot has changed since my last post in 2009, and sadly, some things have remained the same. I’ve traveled and worked internationally. Those were some awesome experiences that I hope to repeat. I haven’t had a chance or the time to be anyone’s doula since 2009, but I was recently asked to assist a friend and his wife later this year. I’m excited to be there and humbled that they asked. I have a child in college! I still have two at home, and I’m counting down the days until they leave the nest. It’s amazing to have a hand in a child’s progression into adulthood. Watching my children and their friends grow up is awe inspiring. BD2 is still, well, BD2. BD1 and I are getting along and he’s involved a whole heck of a lot more than he ever was. He’s still not paying child support, but I appreciate his involvement and emotional support. Pretty much everything in my life has improved and I finally made it to that point where I could truly say I’M HAPPY…and then this happened.
I went back through my blog to see if I ever mentioned him, and I hadn’t. I can’t believe I’ve never talked about this one. I guess even though he was around back then, he hadn’t quite made it into the circle yet.
We would see each other every time I went to hang out at my favorite Friday night spot. He spent a lot of time on his breaks chatting me up until I finally agreed to go out with him after he got off work one night. The date itself was a typical, ATL, late night head over to IHOP or Waffle House, but we had good food and good conversation. Then it was time to pay the check, and when he reached into his pocket, his wedding band fell out onto the table. Whelp, that was the end of that. I told him to hit me up when he got a divorce and I left. We still saw each other out, but we kept it to small talk. Then several months after our initial date, he told me he was divorced, which I was able to verify since so much of our lives is available online. So we exchanged numbers and for the next six years we were, hmm, in relationship. We were friends, friends with benefits, side pieces, enemies, and then friends and lovers again and again.
And then one day last year it all turned. We started going on real dates and holding hands when we were out. We were looking each other in the eye when we spoke, and the sex was the best it had ever been in the years we had been dealing with each other. It just felt different. So I asked the question, "What are we doing?" He said we were dating. He needed to get to know me from this new perspective. OK, cool. Let’s date. We spoke almost daily and saw each other every weekend he was in town. I made an effort to be more available, something I did not usually do, but I wanted to show that I was making just as much of an effort as he was. He even met one of my brothers and a sister when he had shows in their areas. I don’t think anyone since I was dating BD2 has met someone in my family.
We still had our challenges, but we were trying to work through them instead of retreating from them. That’s what prompted me to go see him play one cold, Friday night even though all I really wanted to do was lay up in my warm bed and rest. I had been feeling some distance between us since he came back from his overseas performance. We had a bit of a falling out, regarding another woman while he was away. When he returned home our conversations were short and I didn’t feel like we were connecting. It felt to me like we were just going through the motions. I realized I hadn’t been to see him play in months. Seeing him in his gift always excited me, so I got myself together and headed out hoping to recapture some of what attracted me to him in the first place.
I spotted him sitting at the bar as soon as I walked through the door way. I smiled. He was on the phone and when he saw me he looked like he had been caught. I hugged him and said hello. He, in turn, asked me what I was doing there. Needless to say, that was not the reaction I was expecting.
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