He Released Me When I Didn’t Have Sense Enough To Release Myself

It’s been six years now since we first met and while it didn’t end quite the way I had hoped, it has come to an end. We have seen each other through engagements, a baby (not his), and a whole lot of drama of all levels. It’s been something else. I can’t say it was all bad, more like a teachable moment. All those little things that he would do or not do, say or not say that felt a little prickly to me, that hurt my feelings or made me feel bad about myself I should not have ignored or wrote off or allowed him to convince me that I was just being “sensitive”. My feelings, while not his feelings, still mattered. He took great to look after everyone else’s feelings, but mine somehow didn’t matter as much. I guess because I was in that group he would sleep with, but never date. I tried to convince myself that I was cool with that, and in the beginning I probably was, or just distracted. Lord knows, I had enough going on outside of him to keep me off focus.

But now, now I’m focused and thinking and feeling with clarity. Those little prickly feelings could no longer be ignored. I could no longer ignore the slights or disrespectful words or gestures or nongestures. So I began to speak up for myself. I had discovered what it was that I wanted and in doing so I had found my voice, yet I still couldn’t break completely free. So he did it for me. Oh, I was pissed at first. I always wanted to be the one to walk away on my own terms. Yes, I always knew there would be an end; I just wanted it to be my end, my way. But I got over the hurt feelings once I realized that it really was for the best. While he may have had his own selfish reasons for doing it the way it did it, a clean break for us is the best way to go. Discussions always led us back into each other. So now, I’m free. And if I’ve really learned anything, I won’t repeat this particular situation again. Most of all I will never again put me to the side for the gratification of someone else. I’m grateful for relationship and the growth and now the release. It is received in love whether it was intended that way or not. And there’s nothing you can do about it.