Family Reunion

I couldn’t wait to get back to work after the holiday weekend. As much as I hate this place I can find relief here from personal strife by burying myself in my work. What I thought would be a good weekend, turned shitty before I knew what was going on! BD2’s family reunion was in town this weekend. I’ve known about it, I’ve sat and broken bread with him and his family at the beginning of one of their planning meetings, and I was truly looking forward to meeting his mother and other family members. Maybe now I could get past the IMAGE and get a glimpse at who he truly is.

Friday afternoon I received no less than 3 phone calls tracking my whereabouts and ETA. Dang, can a sister get something to eat, maybe wash up the baby and make her all cute before taking her to see her grandmother. Mommas know how it is when you meeting the family for the first time. When we arrived he wasn’t there, but his mother, grandfather and sister (and her children) were so we (me and my children) chilled out, you know a little small talk, reviewed my family reunion pictures and just caught up on things. The kids were doing their own thing and when they got tired of being told not to run in the house, went outside to play. I greeted the neighbors and they asked if I could bring the kids back tomorrow so their daughter could play with my daughter. Sure I will, they need to play outside and not on that Playstation.

Fast forward to later that evening, BD2’s (step) dad, brother and brother-in-law come to visit. This is my first time meeting dad and he’s like a whirlwind, but kind of explains some of stepbrother’s quirkiness. BD2 doesn’t seem to fit into this crowd at all, makes me wonder what it would be like to see him interacting with his biological father. Would their mannerisms be more alike? Who knows, behavior is both nurtured and given to us by nature. As I’m going over these thoughts in my head, wifey shows up and says her hellos to everyone including me and my daughter; a bit of an awkward moment. Although she said we should keep in touch, that hasn’t happened. Dad pulls BD2 to the side to whisper some manly wisdom and then they get ready to leave. I go upstairs to check on my other two and find one on the computer and the other curled up on the floor. I know the little one is sleepy so I change her diaper and try to put her to sleep but she’s not hearing it. BD2 comes in and tells me that he hopes she falls asleep before I leave because he’s “gone” and he knows she will probably act up when I get ready to leave.

“Wait a minute, you’re gone? Where are you going?”

“To the hotel where everybody else is.”

I’m dumbfounded. How are you going to leave without making sure that your mother and daughter are taken care of for the night? And I don’t get an invitation? You just gonna leave me here? Ain’t this a bitch. I look out the window and notice that wifey’s car is still parked on the curb and realize why I’m banished to the house. As I’m trying to blow up the inflatable bed for mom I ask when will they be leaving and let her know I will do my best to come back before they leave. She wants to know why I’m not attending the family reunion. I let her know it’s because her son did not invite me. We continue chatting and I give up on trying to inflate the bed.

The rest of the weekend was pretty much the same. I spoke to his mother Saturday morning and she asked if I would take her to get her hair done. While not in my plans for the day, I said yes. I tell her I will be there in an hour and a half to take her. When I get there she’s not ready so I wait. Thirty minutes go by and she is no closer to being ready than when I first got there. About this time wifey comes walking in, so I let his mom know I have one more errand to run and I’ll be back to pick her up. An hour passes and we get back to the house. Mom is sleep and wifey is still there. Inside I’m screaming, but I’m a woman of my word so I wait while he tries to wake her. The kids take off across the street to play. Great, now if I want to leave there will be a scene. Wifey and his sister leave so I take the opportunity to do my daughter’s hair and finish getting her ready to go to the reunion. Once everyone is ready, we part and go our separate ways.

Anyone who knows me knows that I complain about having little to no help with my kids, but the minute they are out of my sight I’m missing them immensely. People close to me also know that normally, I do not let my children go anywhere without me before the age of two, but with this last one I have broken all of my rules. That’s why it pisses me off when BD2 goes to thumping his chest and tries to block me from seeing my own child! I gave him a courtesy call Sunday to let him know that I wanted to pick up my baby on Monday to go watch fireworks; not a problem he says, my sister and mom may even want to go. So why then when I call on Monday to let him know my planned arrival time am I met with such hostility? “My family is still here”… “why do you have to see her everyday of my family reunion?” The reunion was Friday-Sunday and it’s now Monday, get over it.

Words are exchanged. I remind him that I did call yesterday to make him aware of my plans. I also point out to him that any time he has any sort of extended visitation he pulls this shit and tries to block me from seeing my child. I let him know that he and wifey can play house all day long, but Ayan will always be MY child and that at this point visitation is a privilege, not a right, at least not until he signs the papers making it so. More words are exchanged and we end with me coming to get my child. A few minutes later I receive a call from his mother. I have been told on and the guilt card is being played. I reiterate to her everything I told her son (in a nicer way) and of course she tries to defend her child. I let her know that when they leave the emergency room with her father I will be more than happy to bring Ayan back so they can spend more time with her, but right now I’m on my way to see my child.

I don’t know why anything he does continues to amaze or upset me. This is the same man that lied about being married and then denied his child to cover up his indiscretions. Why I would think that just because my family views him as family and invites him to our events (too accepting) that he would do the same I will never know.

While we may chat everyday, see each other every week, and share a child I’m still just the bitch that had his baby and a spot on his perfect image.

Sure, some family members know me very well, but this is the reunion and everyone will be there so now he has to dust off wifey and pull her off the shelf to show a united front. Nevermind the fact that they have been living in separate homes for the last year and until I made the plea for her to call, she wouldn’t even return his mother’s phone calls. But perhaps she too had something to gain by showing up this weekend. If she was there then he couldn’t invite me. How would he explain it, this is my wife and this is my baby momma? I don’t know how much it would have bothered his family. They seem to be pretty accepting and loving people. I mean hell, this is his step-family and though step dad has been remarried for some years they still view his mom as family. But I guess I never made it to that level and he’s doing everything in his power to be sure that I don’t. Why? I suppose something in his warped sense of reality is telling him that keeping me separate will somehow lessen what he’s done. I will seem more like a surrogate than like an affair. And if my feelings get hurt in the meantime, well who cares. I’m an object anyway, a distraction, a sexual toy, a baby machine and babysitter.

OBJECTS DON’T HAVE FEELINGS… but wives do.

And so do I.