I once read that perhaps we make the same mistakes because we haven't learned the lesson, well I'm learning, finally, to take people at their word and to recognize my own emotion behind the action. That emotion is what trips me up every time.
Immature how we go for the guy because he reminds us of Tupac upon first seeing him. The conversation is cool, he turns us on to new things, opens us up sexually and then we think we grown enough to have his baby. Only he doesn't want a child, "I ain't ready for that and it will ruin your college career. Besides what will your mom do." Fear sets in and before you know, there's no more baby and we take out every emotion we're feeling on him. That ends the relationship.
Crazy how we gave our number up because he was "funny". The poetry intoxicates us, keeps us blind to what our mind's eye can see-the lies, the potential for abuse, the probability of being used. But no, he loves us, he wants to start a family with us. We can atone for the first act and bring life into this world. Momma warns us that something just ain't right about this one, temper is too quick and he reminds her of our father with one exception, he doesn't like to work and our father was a provider. But we know better than Momma... Ten years, two children and one failed relationship later we understand now what Momma was talking about.
OK, we ran from that situation and are starting over in a new city. That will solve everything. But then insane as it was, we meet him online. Liked something he said on his page, liked what he said in person even better. Nevermind that our friends want to know why he ain't gave us the home number and if she just an ex, why she don't know about you and have you been to his house yet? The signs are staring us in the face and yet all he has to do his touch...the chills down the spine erase the doubt, but the conversation with the wife and her beating his ass cleared it all up.
We take a minute to recover from the built up hurt, stepping back out into the sunshine, After all they can't be the winner in this and keep us down and out of sight. We on another path, following the sign that says right instead of going left because it looks like the right way to go. The guards are up, there's no getting past the fence without the passcode.
Wait...
Hold up...
Who the hell left the gate open?
1 comment:
Found you by way of my cousin Kae. I feel like I am walking backwards instead of forward. The movie ground hogs day is the best way to explain it. But the last quote made me chuckle I remember the story behind that. I think it was James Cleveland. Not sure.
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