I have to continuously ask myself that question when I look at my interfamilial relationships versus my intrafamilial relationships. I come from a relatively large family, one that I at one point did not claim, but had to come to the realization that they are my sisters and brothers whether I like it or not. I have nine, YES NINE, brothers and sisters, my father had 3 and my mother had 3 and they came together and had 4. My oldest sibling is about 15 years my senior and my youngest sibling is almost seven years my junior. Funny thing though, they act a lot alike. I suppose that stems from their individual belief that the world owes them something.
I'm not closer to my "mother's children" or my "father's children". I am very close to my brother "above" me (seven years older than me) even though he's on the other side of the world serving in Afghanistan. When we were children, I now suspect that I got on his nerves as little sisters do, following in behind him and his friends, holding secret crushes on one or two of them you know that sort of thing. He had me believing for a long time that my parents found me on the side of the road and took me in; I had visualized it and everything. Then he went off to college and our relationship completely changed. He became my big bro the one I always bragged about and then he became a very good friend to me and I became one to him. When he was in VA we spoke no less than 4 times a week and we called each other so that we could watch the Bernie Mac Show together. lol He even gave me his line shirt after he crossed Omega Psi Phi, an honor even his wife was not privileged to receive. Then there is my sister in Miami. We speak pretty much everyday through email, text messages and phone. At one point I was pretty sure that if she could kill me and hide the body she would. I took her place as the baby girl and she never forgave me for committing such a sin. I felt she was against my mother and wanted her mother to get back with our father and I think I was partly right on that, but I was fiercely protective of my mom, so if you were against her you were against me and I had no words for her up until a few years ago when I decided to go have Thanksgiving with my father's family. Up until that point, I hadn't seen them since his funeral in 1995. My mother and father's break up was horrible, he was abusive to her, so I hadn't spoken to him until my cousin Tammy's funeral a month before his own. Yeah, I hold a hell of a grudge.
I don't really talk to my other siblings except for maybe once a year or so or when I need them to do something involving my mother's estate or when they want something from me. My baby sister falls somewhere in between the two extremes. Our relationship has never been what I had hoped it would be. From her birth we were at odds. Probably another case of the baby girl being dethroned, but then there was just something different about her. I thought she was evil in the flesh. I have since come down off of such strong sentiments, but we still have a love-hate relationship. I gave up my life in Atlanta and relocated back to a place I hate, Birmingham, AL, after our mother's death so that she could finish high school with her friends. Every week was something with her, smoking, drinking (she thought I didn't know) disappearing for days at a time, coming in late, constant fighting and she would do anything she could to get her way including stealing my identity and taking money out of my checking account, opening credit cards and the best one of all telling the Social Security office I was stealing her checks. Eventually she moved out and we started to repair our dysfunctional relationship. Fast forward to the present... Baby sister is now in Germany. We get along probably every other time we speak. Right now I'm on her "list" because I refused to be hustled into paying a phone bill that I did not create. Had she asked, I may have been willing to pay it. Everyone in the family has been on her "list" at some point or another so we just call each other up and ask "are you on the list this week". It usually follows after we haven't done something to her specification or we didn't email or call often enough. This week, mine has been not paying the phone bill and thus not appreciating her as much as friends who haven't been in her life through significant portions of it. Hmmm, could that be because you haven't made comments to authorities that could have their child taken from them or stolen their identity and caused them to bounce checks all over the city. You think!
Side note, my girl found my shoes and had them waiting for me when I got to her going away party on Saturday!!! I may have to move to Denver.
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